Let's give thanks...or not.

We do not say grace at our home and it has never been a tradition in my family (pagans and heathens all ).
On Saturday, a few distant relatives (my side) who we had not seen in at least 4 or 5 years stopped by on their way through town and I invited them to stay for dinner and threw a couple of extra critters on the grill.
As we were seated for the meal, one of the invitees immediately started her "let us pray and give thanks" routine that went on for over a minute with thanking or mentioning, jesus, god, mary, the pope and various other deities for the food (she never thanked me BTW). I fumed, but aside from glaring at her during this performance, didn't mention it.

Was she rude or not? I say yes as I'm from My House, My Rules school. NJ says meh.

[Robin Garr]

Was she rude or not? I say yes as I'm from My House, My Rules school. NJ says meh.

I think you've both got a point. Bottom line, though, by not reaming her out for saying grace, you were a gracious host. And that's a good thing.

This is an easy one: your house, your rules. She can say an extra novena at bedtime if she feels she was negligent at the table.

I always ask, "May we say grace?"

I always ask, "May we say grace?"

Carl-
I'm torn about this approach as well.
Assuming you don't know your host very well, doesn't that put your host in the awkward position of either agreeing to your polite request, or worse yet, saying no, and risk being rude to a guest?

I always ask, "May we say grace?"

Carl-
I'm torn about this approach as well.
Assuming you don't know your host very well, doesn't that put your host in the awkward position of either agreeing to your polite request, or worse yet, saying no, and risk being rude to a guest?

You're correct Winger. I wouldn't even ask unless I knew the people very well, and descerned how they would react. Have done it silently many times in people's home. In a restaurant I don't care what people think!

I will often give a prayer of thanksgiving for those who are gathered in my home. I don't bless the food perse. I never offer a prayer in someones home in which I am a guest. And, when asked about blessing "the table/food", I always suggest "privately, if you so choose", unless I have invited a pastor to dinner. Then, it is somewhat expected.

Winger, it was gracious of you to zip your lip. Since you do not see them often, a few minutes of being uncomfortable matters not. I would have done the same thing. When our children came along and we were instilling family traditions, etc. we started saying grace at the table for dinner. We always ate dinner together, and the grace just became routine. I think it actually started when the kids attended a Catholic school for a few years in the beginning. Now that the kids are gone, Gene wants to continue with the practice (we are not church goers) so I do it out of respect for his wishes.
When we have company, I let them take the lead if they wish to say grace, other wise we just begin to eat if no one says anything.

One time a guest was asked say grace at the home of friends. He said, "dear Bill and Sally, thank you for preparing this delicious food for all of us, Amen!"

Once at our home on Thanksgiving, I asked our 10 year old grandson, who was attending a religion based school, to say grace. Here is what he said; "Through the lips and over the gums, look out tummy, here it comes. Yea God! Let's eat". We were all so shocked and then broke out into hysterical laughter. I will never forget how funny that was.

Have done it silently many times in people's home.

Bravo! The essence of christianity, as I understand it in this context, is to think, say and do the right thing, not to be seen doing the right thing. A quiet thought to oneself in this setting is a more powerful show of one's respect, both to god and the fellow diners, especially if they know it to be important to you normally.

In their defence, it might be so ingrained in their habit, that they hadn't thought thought anything different might happen at mealtime. i.e it might not have been the ostentatious show of religious piousness it may have seemed.

... and Winger, I agree that by saying nothing (even if internally seething with someone doing the human equivalent of pissing on your territory) you've done the right thing yourself.

regards
Ian

[Jenise]

This is an easy one: your house, your rules. She can say an extra novena at bedtime if she feels she was negligent at the table.

Agreed. She could even have silently said any prayer she wished to at the table--I often see others do that when enjoying meals away from home.

Bob and I nearly always start every meal with a toast. In its own way, it covers some of the same bases.

Bob and I nearly always start every meal with a toast. In its own way, it covers some of the same bases.

Gene and I do that often too, Jenise. We toast to a safe trip to a traveler coming to our home, or leaving. We toast to our children for accomplishments or wishing them luck in ventures they are seeking. We've been known to toast to ourselves for lessons learned.

You should have thanked her and then told her you wanted to also give thanks in your way, the Church of the Aesthetic Hedonist. It would also have been prudent to warn her that it involved lots of dancing and nudity.

Pretty sure next time she came over she'd keep her mouth zipped....

You should have thanked her and then told her you wanted to also give thanks in your way, the Church of the Aesthetic Hedonist. It would also have been prudent to warn her that it involved lots of dancing and nudity.

Pretty sure next time she came over she'd keep her mouth zipped....

Hey, that's not the approved rites for the....oh, wait...you said Church of the Aesthetic Hedonist. I thought you were referring to the Church of the Anesthetic Hedonist. That's where you sit staring into nothing for long periods, drinking White Russians, and calling each other "Dude!" And instead of "Amen", you're supposed to say "This will not stand!."

And instead of "Amen", you're supposed to say "This will not stand!."

I thought that was the mantra of the Church of St. Impotentia (you know, the ones that put a pebble in one shoe to make them limp.....)

I keep a fart tucked away for this very moment.

rwj