Please pass the salt

I was just asked an interesting question. When someone asks you to pass the salt, should you pass them the pepper also? Thoughts?

I was always taught that one should pass both, regardless of what was requested. Emily Post?

I've never thought about it. In my home we typically don't have pepper on the table, but if there were pepper as well, I would probably only pass what was requested.

I'd generally just pass what was asked for - I've not heard that it's proper to do otherwise.

I was always taught that one should pass both, regardless of what was requested. Emily Post?

I'm with Susan. My family, my parents and their parents all did/do the same - we pass salt and pepper as if they are glued together.

[Jenise]

I'd generally just pass what was asked for - I've not heard that it's proper to do otherwise.

Same here. I tend to be very literal so would presume that it would burden whoever asked to receive more than they asked for.

I always pass both. Proper table etiquette says this is correct, because salt and pepper are married and should be passed together.

[Jenise]

I always pass both. Proper table etiquette says this is correct, because salt and pepper are married and should be passed together.

It makes sense, it really does, although....

Both were probably on the table when I grew up, but only Dad would have put pepper on anything so it would have lived at his end and the salt passed among the rest of us, though rarely asked for unless we were having something like corn on the cob, which is about the only thing I can remember us having that we would have seasoned individually.

And now? All the seasoning is done in my kitchen. Salt and pepper isn't on my table at all and increasingly, it's not on anyone else's either, not even restaurants. The rare exception is when one half of a couple has salt restrictions so all food is served unsalted. In a very formal dinner service where salt and pepper come in those tiny things I do believe it would occur to me to pass both since that can easily be done one-handed, but at informal dinners? Or is the containers are larger and awkward for one-handed handling? Especially for a woman whose other hand is suppposed to be in her lap? Then no.

Guess what I'm thinking is that the etiquette is behind the times.

Nope - at my place you get what you ask for and don't get what you haven't asked for.

But then I've been accused of being intentionally obtuse, like when people say "Do you have any hot sauce?" and I simply answer "Yes". Well, they didn't ask for any, did they? They just asked if I had any....

PS we normally don't even set out S&P (unless She-who-must-be-obeyed sneaks them out when I'm not looking). I try to spice/salt everything the way I want it and unless someone is a salt addict they shouldn't need any.

When I was at high school, we did a six week "finishing" course where we were supposed to learn about the niceties of being a "lady". Our tutor told us that we should ask people to "Pass the condiments", not "pass the salt". That way, you get the full set. (Too bad if there are also two types of mustard and a pot of horseradish on the table too."

Nope - at my place you get what you ask for and don't get what you haven't asked for.

But then I've been accused of being intentionally obtuse, like when people say "Do you have any hot sauce?" and I simply answer "Yes". Well, they didn't ask for any, did they? They just asked if I had any....

PS we normally don't even set out S&P (unless She-who-must-be-obeyed sneaks them out when I'm not looking). I try to spice/salt everything the way I want it and unless someone is a salt addict they shouldn't need any.

This is priceless! Yes, they did ask "for any". For me, that is a natural question, why would they ask if you had any, if they don't want any? On the other hand, if someone asked me if I had a dog, that does not mean they want my dog. So I can see both sides of the issue. I would say you are being intentionally obtuse and you love doing it. Of course it could just be that as a man, you are thinking inside the box. To understand my comment, if you have not done so, Look up the book, Men are Like Waffles. Women are Like Spaghetti by Bill and Pam Farrel. Most women I know have read this book, in order to understand their guys better. Men should read it too. It is fun and humorous.

This is priceless! Yes, they did ask "for any". For me, that is a natural question, why would they ask if you had any, if they don't want any? On the other hand, if someone asked me if I had a dog, that does not mean they want my dog. So I can see both sides of the issue. I would say you are being intentionally obtuse and you love doing it.

Yup, just my modest attempt to encourage precision in speech. Sloppy thinking annoys me.
I'll take a look at that book, thanks.

I play word games like that with my kids all the time. My standard response to a child announcing "I am thirsty" is "I am Daddy. Nice to meet you." It got to the point where my 4 year old would tell me "my name is chaviva, i am 4 years old, and i am thirsty."

Nope - at my place you get what you ask for and don't get what you haven't asked for.

But then I've been accused of being intentionally obtuse, like when people say "Do you have any hot sauce?" and I simply answer "Yes". Well, they didn't ask for any, did they? They just asked if I had any....

PS we normally don't even set out S&P (unless She-who-must-be-obeyed sneaks them out when I'm not looking). I try to spice/salt everything the way I want it and unless someone is a salt addict they shouldn't need any.

Once again we differ on the details and obligations of being a good host, Bill.

Family is one thing, and being crusty Lord of Spohn Manner is always entertaining, but I don't think that assuming your guest's tastes should conform with yours is being hospitable and gracious.

Ah, but then, we've gone over this before and continued to disagree, haven't we?

And I do notice that despite your proclamations, you are easily over-ridden, and thus more amenable to good sense than you like to appear.

Thanks all. These are great replies.

This is clearly a question that does not have an answer. The view from here is that you should have salt and pepper on the table because everyone's taste is different. One one hand people thought that when asked for the salt you should ask "would you like the pepper also?" On the other hand, the though was to pass them both so they don't get separated and you don't wind up with multiple people passing multiple condiments later. I have no idea which is the better way to go.

I submit this as a good question for the next presidential debate.

I guess I am throwback in the etiquette department. I open doors and car doors for women, both getting in and getting out - even for my wife.

I walk on the outside of the sidewalk, on the street side - so milady receives no splash from passing horses and carriages. And so no garbage (or chamber pot contents) being pitched from an upstairs window sullies the fair sex.

And I always pass both salt and pepper - because that is the way it is done.

I'm also very much a pedant when it comes to concise and accurate speech, but salt and pepper are joined at the hip.

Also, I'm always in a quandary when being introduced to a young lady... does she know it's rude of me to extend my hand in greeting until she does it first, or am I perceived as rude for not doing so first?

The things I have to worry about!

I play word games like that with my kids all the time. My standard response to a child announcing "I am thirsty" is "I am Daddy. Nice to meet you." It got to the point where my 4 year old would tell me "my name is chaviva, i am 4 years old, and i am thirsty."

I have a grandson who does that, and I say "me too, would you please get us both some water?"

[Jenise]

I submit this as a good question for the next presidential debate.

I agree, though it might not get quite as much traction as "boxers or briefs?"

Btw, re whether to put salt and pepper on the table for guests or not? I not only don't, as mentioned before, but I can't. I don't even own salt and pepper shakers anymore, so extinct had the need for them in my household become.

I guess I am throwback in the etiquette department. I open doors and car doors for women, both getting in and getting out - even for my wife.

I walk on the outside of the sidewalk, on the street side - so milady receives no splash from passing horses and carriages. And so no garbage (or chamber pot contents) being pitched from an upstairs window sullies the fair sex.

And I always pass both salt and pepper - because that is the way it is done.

I'm also very much a pedant when it comes to concise and accurate speech, but salt and pepper are joined at the hip.

Also, I'm always in a quandary when being introduced to a young lady... does she know it's rude of me to extend my hand in greeting until she does it first, or am I perceived as rude for not doing so first?

The things I have to worry about!

Way to go Fred; me too!!!

Nope - at my place you get what you ask for and don't get what you haven't asked for.

But then I've been accused of being intentionally obtuse, like when people say "Do you have any hot sauce?" and I simply answer "Yes". Well, they didn't ask for any, did they? They just asked if I had any....

PS we normally don't even set out S&P (unless She-who-must-be-obeyed sneaks them out when I'm not looking). I try to spice/salt everything the way I want it and unless someone is a salt addict they shouldn't need any.

Reminds me of a very old joke. Mr. Smith is driving, Mr. Fussy is his passenger, they are trying to pull out of a little road with limited visibility onto the highway. Mr. Smith cranes his neck. looks to the left, it looks clear. He asks Mr. Fussy "do you see any cars coming?" Mr. Fussy says, "no!" So Mr. Smith pulls the car out and KABLAMMO!!

Mr. Smith and Mr. Fussy are sitting on a cloud in Heaven with harps on their laps. Mr. Smith says "I thought you said there were no cars coming?" Mr. Fussy says "That was a TRUCK!!"

Just trying to contribute to the careful and accurate use of language, like a few others around here, right?

I play word games like that with my kids all the time. My standard response to a child announcing "I am thirsty" is "I am Daddy. Nice to meet you." It got to the point where my 4 year old would tell me "my name is chaviva, i am 4 years old, and i am thirsty."

I have a grandson who does that, and I say "me too, would you please get us both some water?"

By the time I got my daughter so wound up that she went to the trouble of clarifying all those details, my wife demanded that I stop messing with the poor child's head. The older ones, on the other hand...

I was just asked an interesting question. When someone asks you to pass the salt, should you pass them the pepper also? Thoughts?

The answer is a process: The more familiar the requester, the more likely I am to do just as requested.

Similarly for dressing the table: The more formal the occasion, the more likely I am to put s+p on the table.