White . . . or black

Last week we were in San Francisco to visit our son in his new locale. The first night we suggested he pick a restaurant, something he could walk to after work (Embarcadero Center). He chose One Market and made reservations. The spouse and I arrived early, had a drink in the bar until Son arrived. Once he arrived we made our way to the dining room and were seated. As I was sliding into the booth the waiter picked up the white cloth napkin in front of me, I assumed he was going to place it on my lap, but no. Once we were all seated he walked to the waiters station picked up a black napkin, returned and placed it in front of me. The men were left with the white ones. Now, before we left the hotel, I did dab on some lipstick, which is not ususal for me and was indeed very light. We walked from Nob Hill to the restaurant and had the drink, all before we were seated, so if there was any lipstick left it was no more than a stain on my lips ( I am very fair and my skin just does that). We use mostly cloth napkins at home, I do the laundry and while lipstick, especially some of the new ones, can be a challenge, I have never had a napkin permanently stained. So while I can understand the switch, I remain offended. Surely a commercial laundry would have no trouble with a smudge of lipstick.

Has anyone else experienced this sort of switch? I didn't enjoy any course of the meal, but I think it was the style of preparation rather than the perceived affront. Suffice it to say, I won't return there any time soon.

I've never had that happen, and I do wear lipstick.That situation would concern me too, and I think it was rude.
On a more positve thought, might the wait person have noticed a spot on the napkin, removed it, went to the station and all that was left were black napkins? I'm curious enough that I think I would have asked him why he did that, nicely, of course. LOL

That is a good thought, Karen. I did look around to see if any of the other, few, women had black napkins. I didn't see any, anywhere. It was early in the evening, so I would wonder if they had run through their supply of napkins.

Karen,

We dined at a restaurant with the white and black napkin service which the waiter dispensed according to what the diner was wearing, dark for dark, white for light, not by gender. I assumed it was a) to blend in, or b) to avoid lint that might rub off..although I think that is a stretch and I probably just made that up.
Your lipstick stain assumption may be the correct one in your incidence.

JuliaB

The use of black face cloths and napkins (for the ladies) was shared with me many years ago by a B&B innkeeper. It is indeed for the sake of not being able to see makeup stains on cloth napkins. After having a few of my (more expensive and a couple antique) napkins ruined by the lipstick of guests, I considered this a consideration, not an insult. I now keep navy and black face cloths in my guest bathroom just for this purpose. I still shiver through the use of my white linen napkins, but i don't switch them for black. I now just take a careful look through them before throwing them in the wash, and give the offended ones special care. But, every time I see one of my earlier prized cloth napkins (when I could finally afford to buy the good ones), I cringe a bit.

Karen,

We dined at a restaurant with the white and black napkin service which the waiter dispensed according to what the diner was wearing, dark for dark, white for light, not by gender. I assumed it was a) to blend in, or b) to avoid lint that might rub off..although I think that is a stretch and I probably just made that up.
Your lipstick stain assumption may be the correct one in your incidence.

JuliaB

Yes, yes I remember reading something about this once. If a lady has on a black skirt or pants. the white napkins leave white lint which might be hard to remove. Funny, because just today, I noticed on a pair of marine blue capris, that both knees has a white linty spot. I wore them two days ago to the Olive Garden (neighbors gave us a gift card) and I was given a white cloth napkin. Did you have on dark skirt or blouse?

Interesting! I was wearing black slacks. The men were wearing something in the khaki range. But, thank you!, I'd so much rather think that it was for the purpose of protecting my black slacks from lint than preventing their napkins from being stained. (I have been at inns where black face cloths embroidered with "Makeup" or the like were provided.) The food still wasn't worth repeating, but at least I can feel better about the experience. Thank you both, Karen and JuliaB.

I have only been aware of napkins exchanges in light of the color of diners' clothing. I will be more observant in the future to see if there's another situation being accounted for. As far as the women’s' makeup the theory, there are food items that stain napkins worse than makeup aren’t there?

I don't know that there is a better or worse stain on napkins. I've often heard of the red wine stain, though that is something I've never experienced. I have a couple napkins with grease stains. However, the grease stain is just an off-color blob on the cloth. But, that streak of red or reddish-brown lipstick somehow has made their way onto about a half-dozen or so of my whites and in teh case of certain lipsticks, it is not removable if not tended to immediately. But, whatever the case, I don't find the switch insulting. But, perhaps the restaurants should be questioned about it and we will have a definitive answer. I'm curious!

But, perhaps the restaurants should be questioned about it and we will have a definitive answer. I'm curious!

I know a guy who used to work at Napa's French Laundry and I'll see him tomorrow for lunch and ask him about this (if I can remember!).

It seems almost every fine-dining establishment we go now provides black napkins for those diners wearing dark colors. I love it! Especially since white napkins will often leave lint behind on a pair of black slacks or a skirt.

This is a new one on me. I never would have thought of such a thing, but it makes sense. It's a nice way for a restaurant to show some extra care for its customers at little or no added cost.

Personally, I think it sounds a bit ridiculous and pretentious. If you have to worry about your napkins leaving lint on your customers' clothing, then purchase a better quality of cloth napkin. If you are trying to color coordinate the tone of your guests clothing you'll need a much broader repertoire than black and white. This sounds like some Martha Stewart wannabe crap! Sorry.

Personally, I think it sounds a bit ridiculous and pretentious. If you have to worry about your napkins leaving lint on your customers' clothing, then purchase a better quality of cloth napkin. If you are trying to color coordinate the tone of your guests clothing you'll need a much broader repertoire than black and white. This sounds like some Martha Stewart wannabe crap! Sorry.

Don't apologize. You are absolutely correct.

It is a scary thought that people are so concerned about lint.
what have we become?

Cheers,
Bill

It is a scary thought that people are so concerned about lint. what have we become?

Eager to differentiate "my restaurant" from "your restaurant" by any means possible, including dainty little niceties. You never know what someone will remember.

( I also note that even the very best restaurants cannot get lintless napkin service. I've heard fiddle-faddle on this topic for years. )

It is a scary thought that people are so concerned about lint. what have we become?

Eager to differentiate "my restaurant" from "your restaurant" by any means possible, including dainty little niceties. You never know what someone will remember.

Hi Jeff,

I agree. The pressure of competition that restaurants face is enough to drive anyone crazy (and being concerned about lint is certainly that). I would only suggest that when people become too distracted with the dainty little niceties that they may very well be forgetting to have fun. It's not on the restaurants, it's on the customers. I'm afraid that we all take ourselves a little too seriously. Of course this is not new.

Cheers,
Bill

I still consider it silly!
1. If you are concerned about lint, that the customer might complain about, then do a once over on everyone with a lint brush before they leave.
2. If you wish to be a cut above, then take another look at the menu (and the abmiance) and kick it up a notch. (People usually go to restaurants for the food!)
3. If the gesture is about "niceties", then make it uniform and noticeable -- like an always free (small) dessert or palate cleanser at the end of the meal. (A focus group might help with that.) After all, how many people really would pick up on the color swap as purposeful to not see the left-behind lint? And, I have certainly experienced cloth napkins that did not leave behind any noticeable traces of lint (those over-starched, over-sized white ones with the stitched hem -- I Love those!) But, perhaps I am not very observant.
4. If you are treating men and women differently -- be careful about that! If the black napkin is about lipstick, then give everyone black napkins. I mean, an obvious napkin swap after your guests have been seated, without an explanation! C'mon, now! And, I agree with Bill, often we take ourselves far too seriously, and the result is to look foolish in the process. This is one of those times, IMHO.