Okay, peanut gallery, had your fun now?
Seriously, there may be no good answer to my question. I went to Epicurious.com, that treasure trove of Bon Appetit and Gourmet magazine recipes from over the years, and found exactly one recipe. One! So, the 'thing', not 'things', they found to do with crab apples in all this time is turn them into jelly ostensibly, and turn that jelly into a glaze for cornish game hens. I'll post the recipe below just to take up space, but the outlook for Susan's crab apples looks pretty bleak!
Ingredients
1 3/4-pound Cornish game hens, halved
8 fresh sage leaves
2/3 cup dry white wine
3 tablespoons crab apple jelly
3 tablespoons chopped shallots
2 tablespoons chopped fresh sage
Preparation
Preheat oven to 450°F. Starting at neck end of hens, slide fingers between skin and breasts to loosen skin. Place 2 sage leaves under skin of each breast half. Sprinkle hens with salt and pepper. Transfer hens, skin side up, to medium roasting pan. Roast hens 15 minutes. Meanwhile, simmer 1/3 cup wine, jelly, and shallots in heavy small saucepan until glaze is slightly thickened, about 6 minutes. Stir in chopped sage.
Brush half of glaze on roasted hens. Roast hens 5 minutes more. Brush with remaining glaze. Roast until hens are cooked through and glaze is bubbling, about 5 minutes longer. Transfer to platter.
Spoon off fat from juices in pan. Place roasting pan directly atop 2 burners over medium heat. Add remaining 1/3 cup wine and boil until liquid is reduced by 1/3, about 5 minutes. Season sauce with salt and pepper. Spoon over hens.