The Jack Daniels Steak Defense

I'm sure they will be teaching the great Jack Daniels Steak Defense at Harvard Law School for decades to come...


October 28, 2009


Sheboygan man claimed he was drunk from Jack Daniels steak

Sheboygan Press staff

A Sheboygan man with a fourth drunken driving charge pending is facing a new charge after failing a breathalyzer test, then claiming the test result was from eating a Jack Daniels steak, according to a criminal complaint.

Ian A. Baker, 23, of 1229 Trimberger Court, was charged Tuesday with misdemeanor bail jumping, which carries a maximum penalty of nine months in jail.

According to the complaint:

Baker came to his court-ordered intoxicated driver intervention program Monday morning and blew a blood-alcohol level of 0.07 on a breath test. He then denied drinking any alcohol and blamed the test result on eating a Jack Daniels steak the night before.

Baker was charged in July with the fourth-offense OWI and released on a $1,500 signature bond that forbade alcohol consumption.

Terrible defense for someone from Sheboygan.

Obviously, he should have claimed it was the beer the brats were cooked in.

The scary thing is apparently the Sheboyan Press expects everyone to know what a Jack Daniels steak is (I googled, apparently a TGIF prep with a glaze on the steak).
We all know how stupid this is. But for fun, assuming none of the alcohol burned off in glaze prep or on grill (I'd assume virtually all does), that steak was really slathered, and that he ordered at midnight, I'd still think he'd have to eat 9-10 steaks to have a chance at blowing a .07 the next morning.

I'd still think he'd have to eat 9-10 steaks to have a chance at blowing a .07 the next morning.

Ever see the folks at Sheboygan really chowing down?

I have, and the number is not outside the realm of possiblity.

The scary thing is apparently the Sheboyan Press expects everyone to know what a Jack Daniels steak is (I googled, apparently a TGIF prep with a glaze on the steak).
We all know how stupid this is. But for fun, assuming none of the alcohol burned off in glaze prep or on grill (I'd assume virtually all does), that steak was really slathered, and that he ordered at midnight, I'd still think he'd have to eat 9-10 steaks to have a chance at blowing a .07 the next morning.

Dale,
With all due respect, I think that you've probably underestimated the needed quantity by an order of magnitude or more. Consider how much alcohol the average individual has to consume at midnight to wake up drunk the next morning. Even with Hoke's understanding of Sheboygan consumption patterns, I doubt that it could be achieved. Interesting Gedankenproblem, though.

Mark Lipton

The scary thing is apparently the Sheboyan Press expects everyone to know what a Jack Daniels steak is (I googled, apparently a TGIF prep with a glaze on the steak).

Ahhhhh…so it is TGIF’s fault. I just thought it was something this doofus made at home. Possibly a five pound steak that had been marinated in Jack Daniels for 60 days then consumed in one sitting.