The Curse of the Cook

I watch people at dinners (and at my monthly wine lunch) and realize that there are two types of people - those that are happy to chow down on whatever is placed in front of them, and will smack their lips appreciatively, and those cursed people among whom I number myself that sit there, mentally deconstructing every dish, wondering how it is made, what spices or herbs went into it and only then passing inner judgement on whether or not you like it - and then probably wish you had the recipe.

The people that aren't into cooking - let's call them the Lip Smackers or LS, surely have a much easier time in life, because they are largely non-judgemental. Those of us that are Foodies are condemned to analyzing each course - could I have done it better, is it mundane or exceptional, did the chef give in to excess frippery or did he know when to stop (most times 3 flavours or ingredients are better than 10).

I suspect that there are many foodies that read this section of this board who go through something like this mental process when they eat food prepared by someone else - fess up.

And I have to wonder how many winemakers are unable to taste wine made by others without going through a similar mental process. I've seen both types, winemakers that just drink (often to excess, but that's another story) and those that sit there pensively tasting and presumably wondering what the Other Guy got right or wrong and how he did it.

Bill, interesting observation, but would have to say that it's too extreme a POV to agree with. Either/or cuts out a huge group of 'foodies' in the middle, in which group I number myself one, who can enjoy a 'gourmet' meal without having to deconstruct every dish and we can comment if it's really good, average or really bad without needing to know every ingredient or method of preparation.
Depending on the quality of your co-diners, I guess your way could certainly cut out a lot of unnecessary conversation and let you concentrate on 'disassembly'!

Actually, there are two types of people in this world: Those that divide everyone into one of two groups and those that don't. As a home winemaker, I analyze every wine I taste as part of the first few sips. Then I just enjoy it.

I hadn't meant to polarize into two such strictly defined groups. Obviously there are many people that are interested but not obsessed about food, that fall into the middle, and at any given meal may or may not switch into foodie mode.

I suppose I was aiming more at the people that have a hard time NOT being in foodie mode!

As a home winemaker, I analyze every wine I taste as part of the first few sips. Then I just enjoy it.

Several friends and I are homebrewers and conduct ourselves the same way. When we open someone's new brew, we analyze it initially, offer constructive criticism then just sit back and enjoy them. Luckily none of us have thin skin and can take the criticism and incorporate the comments in an attempt to create a better batch of brew the next time around. Of course there is one guy in the group that never takes the hints and continues to make beer that pleases his wife's palate.

...Of course there is one guy in the group that never takes the hints and continues to make beer that pleases his wife's palate.

One must have priorities.

Actually, I don't know what group I belong to (although I'm certain there are some of you on the forum who have your opinion), but I enjoy food and I eat it. Something has to be very interesting and unusual to my palate in order to get me wondering. Most of the time, I don't think other people's cooking and I never critique, even when asked (though, I will offer a helpful hint about what to try next time, if asked). It does bother me that none of my friends will cook and invite me to dinner though.

Bill, I think I know where you are coming from on this, and I would almost bet that the better the cook, the more he/she might be just as you say. I, OTOH, am not a particularly good cook, but I do like to, if not deconstruct a dish, but just wonder to myself if this or that was added or left out, would it be better. I constantly make changes in dishes (when I cook) and it about drives my wife insane if I ask her to try doing it. she make a dish the same old way, never varies it, and I wind up getting tired of the dish. Way back when I would eat her meatloaf, even choking it down. Finally after a lot of years, I asked her what filler she used, and she just said plain old bread. And when I did ask her to try something else, She didn't make meatloaf for a couple years, and I love good meatloaf. I think that with some, food is fuel, and to others it is much much more. Some eat because they are hungry, others eat as a means of enjoyment, and the fact it keeps them going is a plus.

I, OTOH, am not a particularly good cook, but I do like to, if not deconstruct a dish, but just wonder to myself if this or that was added or left out, would it be better. I constantly make changes in dishes (when I cook) and it about drives my wife insane if I ask her to try doing it.

I drive my wife crazy the same way when she asks me how many tablespoons of something I added and I tell her 'just a half handful' or something. She is a by the book cook as she is really worried about making a mistake. I have her making soups, which aren't easy to screw up, and I often help with final salt, pepper and herbs. Successes with such things build her confidence.

I never cook anything the same twice. I am a very inaccurate cook (as in "just a handful of this") and adjust flavourings according to what is available and what I feel like at the time. Although I have a substantial collection of recipe books I hardly ever follow recipes; rather, I read the books for inspiration and ideas. Mostly, I make things up as I go along. The down side of this, of course, is that when something turns out really well, you can't ever quite achieve it again! When I eat other people's food, I like to think about what makes the combination of flavours and textures, but don't think I do it consciously enough to call it 'deconstruction'.

One of my friends trained as a chef; he talks about how devastated he was the day his chef came to him and told him he would never make it as a chef because of the way he kept adjusting and trying out. The work of a chef, he was told, is to find perfection and then reproduce it exactly, time after time. "You will be a very good cook, but never a chef," he was told. He is indeed a very good cook, and still experimenting. He is also a delight to cook for, because he does deconstruct what he is eating, and loves to find surprising flavours and textures. (I still treasure the expression on his face when he tried my cinnamon ice-cream.)

Matilda

I guess I fall in with those who do some analysis and then just enjoy the food. I do tend to eat critically when I'm in restaurants and such. Given that I'm eating something cooked by an ostensible professional, part of the fun comes in trying to understand what they're doing with a dish, what they've done to make it their own, and whether there's anything technically flawed. As an example, I was out with my folks at an Italian place out where they live that had opened just the night before. As one might expect, not everything was perfect. Pacing was inconsistent, my osso bucco was not as meltingly tender as it should have been, and the wine list was a piece of scratch paper with the type or variety scrawled on it but without any info on vintage or producer. But the proprietors were very nice people, there was a terrific polenta and mushroom appy, and I was there with my family. The flaws were noted but did not in any way prevent me from having a really nice time.

So I guess I see what you're saying, Bill, but I wouldn't regard it as a curse.

Actually, I don't know what group I belong to (although I'm certain there are some of you on the forum who have your opinion), but I enjoy food and I eat it. Something has to be very interesting and unusual to my palate in order to get me wondering. Most of the time, I don't think other people's cooking and I never critique, even when asked (though, I will offer a helpful hint about what to try next time, if asked). It does bother me that none of my friends will cook and invite me to dinner though.

I used to have a similar problem (and I eat anything). It might be that the meals you cook are too good when you have company over. The guests then think you cook like that all the time, and they can't measure up. Perhaps you should have a mediocre meal so your friends will show you what good cooking really is.

I honestly can't remember the last I had food, outside a restaurant meal proffered by a chef, prepared by somebody other than myself.

I usually know what they're up to and realize the difficulties they may have faced getting there.

I really have a very different perspective from most diners.

I honestly can't remember the last I had food, outside a restaurant meal proffered by a chef, prepared by somebody other than myself.
I usually know what they're up to and realize the difficulties they may have faced getting there.
I really have a very different perspective from most diners.

Yes, in that you know, while we wonder what is in it, or how it was done.

Actually, I don't know what group I belong to (although I'm certain there are some of you on the forum who have your opinion), but I enjoy food and I eat it. Something has to be very interesting and unusual to my palate in order to get me wondering. Most of the time, I don't think other people's cooking and I never critique, even when asked (though, I will offer a helpful hint about what to try next time, if asked). It does bother me that none of my friends will cook and invite me to dinner though.

I used to have a similar problem (and I eat anything). It might be that the meals you cook are too good when you have company over. The guests then think you cook like that all the time, and they can't measure up. Perhaps you should have a mediocre meal so your friends will show you what good cooking really is.

Jo Ann, I know exactly how you feel, I have been told a few times that I would never be invited to a friends home for dinner because they could not measure up to my cooking. That really hurt. Basically, I cook for myself, I love good food and I want to eat good food and I am not happy if what I cook is not good. I am not interested in the concept of just filling my tummy. What is important is how it tastes in my mouth. The second desire is eating for good health.

Larry....I would never even consider cooking a mediocre meal for guests. Of course, I have had meals turn out that way, but not by choice. The food I give my guests is my gift to them. I try not to let the food be the star of the evening, even though it seems to work out that way. I also focus on conversation, background music and just having fun.
We are close friends with a couple that we enjoy immensely. She cooks simple meals and most are done in the oven, even the veggies. She is not intimidated by my cooking and told me so long ago. I love her attitude.
I let people know that we are just as happy eating a grilled burger!

I let people know that we are just as happy eating a grilled burger!

Ditto! But, for some reason, no one believes me. Actually, I take that back. My good friend Georgiana has backed me up when I tell people "I'm not a finicky eater, I'll enjoy anything you prepare". Unfortunately, Georgiana doesn't cook -- but she knows how to put together a mean deli meal! I just happen to like cooking, and if it's worth my time doing it, it's worth the little extra time to do it well (plus presentation). Not a standard I place on anybody else.

The people that aren't into cooking - let's call them the Lip Smackers or LS, surely have a much easier time in life, because they are largely non-judgemental. Those of us that are Foodies are condemned to analyzing each course - could I have done it better, is it mundane or exceptional, did the chef give in to excess frippery or did he know when to stop (most times 3 flavours or ingredients are better than 10).

I cannot agree. What about those who will only eat that which is familiar to them. They are very judgmental and most of those types I know are not cooks. I find most non-cooking people to have a very difficult time unless they stay within their safety zones.

I cannot agree. What about those who will only eat that which is familiar to them. They are very judgmental and most of those types I know are not cooks. I find most non-cooking people to have a very difficult time unless they stay within their safety zones.

Well you are right, people that aren't foodies will obviously still have opinions about whether or no the food tastes good to them. But their tendency to be judgemental isn't based in any critique of how well the food was prepared, it is based on their own individaul preconceptions alone, and unlike foodies they generally have no interest in what went into it or how it was cooked.

Much of the time they will like or not like a dish based solely on preconception, without taking the trouble to taste it. Tell someone they are going to eat sweetbreads, and explain what it is and some people won't even take a mouthful. Don't tell them (I've put them on my menus simply as ris de veau and had them say - "This is veal, right" and I nodded sagely) and chances are they will like it.

The sort of judgemental I am talking about isn't what they have, it is "Oh, look, that sauce broke a bit" or "Don't you think that would have been a bit better finished with Sherry wine vinegar instead of regular" or "I wonder how he bound that all together so nicely".

I let people know that we are just as happy eating a grilled burger!

Ditto! But, for some reason, no one believes me. Actually, I take that back. My good friend Georgiana has backed me up when I tell people "I'm not a finicky eater, I'll enjoy anything you prepare". Unfortunately, Georgiana doesn't cook -- but she knows how to put together a mean deli meal! I just happen to like cooking, and if it's worth my time doing it, it's worth the little extra time to do it well (plus presentation). Not a standard I place on anybody else.

I run into the same thing. Jo Ann, your last line is a good one. That is my philosophy completely. Also the grilled burger thing, Karen, or in our case, ANYTHING pre-prepared from Costco. Lasagna, Chicken Pot Pie, etc. is often what you get around here when someone invites you over for dinner. We don't mind one bit. It's usually pretty edible and we aren't going for the food anyway. It's to see our friends and enjoy a nice evening togther.

The funny part is that we had some people over for two kinds of lasagna one night (seafood with white sauce and bolognese). A woman said (incredulously) to me on the sly, "This is SO GOOD. You actually made it, didn't you?" The next day, a bachelor friend of ours who entertains a lot called me to find out where we bought the seafood lasagna because he wanted to serve it for an upcoming dinner party. It broke his heart when I told him I made it myself. When I said I'd happily share the recipe with him he broke out in uncontrollable laughter.