Would you do anything to stop verbal abuse of a waitperson?

One of my dearest friends was recently at a Perkins, of all places, and said he witnessed some horrible woman tearing her server apart. He said nothing pleased the customer being served: she didn't like what she ordered, she sent it back, then it wasn't hot enough, it took too long to get to her, etc., etc., etc. Mike said he was ready to throw his napkin on the table and wade into the customer himself, but his dining companion wouldn't let him. AT A PERKINS RESTAURANT!! For those of you who aren't familiar, Perkins is a diner (not dinner!) chain.

Now, admittedly I'm not known for putting up with any form of abuse, but I don't think I could have sat there without saying something to the woman. Mike said the server told him she and her cuckolded husband come in every Wed and Sun night at the same time and insist on the same table and will wait if it's occupied. She's reduced some of the waitstaff to tears, and I'm not in their employ and am thinking I might go there for fun one Sunday night.

Police be called? Depends on her. I hate mean people and am always willing to call their bluff. What about you? Are you able to walk out without standing up for someone who's being battered?

[Robin Garr]

One of my dearest friends was recently at a Perkins, of all places, and said he witnessed some horrible woman tearWhat about you? Are you able to walk out without standing up for someone who's being battered?

Great question, Karen! (And so nice to see you posting here. )

My thinking is that there's a high threshold against "getting involved," particularly in this day and age where, in many states (including mine) the idiot could be armed.

But I would like to think that I have both the class and the cojones to stand up and do something - intervene or yell or call the PD - in a case of actual abuse. That's easy for me to say, as I don't recall ever having been in a situation quite as crazy as Mike witnessed, so I haven't had to make that decision.

But in a restaurant or any other place, don't we all have some line that we arent' willing to see crossed? To draw a finer point, what if one of us witnessed an adult abusing a child? Would we do SOMETHING< whether intervene in person or call law enforcement? I'd sure like to think so.

In a situation like this, I'd be more inclined to try to talk to the manager than directly intervene. No-one should have to put up with abuse from customers, and any manager worth his/her salt will recognize that. If the manager won't do his/her job, I would have no hesitation telling the manager that his/her treatment of the staff is disgraceful and that they've lost my business. And I would certainly let the owner know, assuming the manager is an employee.

To draw a finer point, what if one of us witnessed an adult abusing a child? Would we do SOMETHING< whether intervene in person or call law enforcement? I'd sure like to think so.

You rascal, you! You remember me taking on that jerk who was beating his son in the bathroom! I'm little, but I'm not afraid of much. And I HATE bullies. He left too fast for me to call the law, and it was before cellphones. But he sure heard what I thought before he fled, and so did everyone else in the dining room. And one of the diners insisted on picking up my check. Unfortunately, I'm afraid he probably got home and took it out on his defenseless kids. I am haunted by that.

But this doesn't involve kids; it's about people who are rude toward servers in restaurants. Does it matter if you're in a five-star place or a greasy spoon? Isn't it telling about your lack of class?

In a situation like this, I'd be more inclined to try to talk to the manager than directly intervene. No-one should have to put up with abuse from customers, and any manager worth his/her salt will recognize that. If the manager won't do his/her job, I would have no hesitation telling the manager that his/her treatment of the staff is disgraceful and that they've lost my business. And I would certainly let the owner know, assuming the manager is an employee.

Ah, but the manager is well aware of this abusive regular customer. One elderly server refuses to serve them. And this is a cheap chain, and they ask for their "regular" waitperson, as if they're in a five star place. But all of this is fluff. The real meat (sorry! hahahaha! I'm so funny!) is, someone needs to put a stop to their reign of terror.

I think I can do it.

Who's the owner? I'd make sure they know that their lack of support of their staff would cost them my business plus as much bad will as I could spread around.

Who's the owner? I'd make sure they know that their lack of support of their staff would cost them my business plus as much bad will as I could spread around.

Oh, you California tree-hugging person! Perkins is a restaurant chain equal to Denny's. Same as. Nothing that a local manager would care about! Main thing for me is taking up for the waitstaff and embarrassing the el creepo.

The manager may not care, but the owner sure will. Is it a franchise or company-owned?

Was the server male or female?

I agree with Stuart. I worked in a very similar type of restaurant all through high school and college (Coco's #43, may it RIP). It is the manager's job to handle this stuff. NOT other customers'. If the manager is not doing the job, then a district manager needs to be apprised of the situation. And it can be elevated from there if need be.

After more than a couple of instances of that behavior, the better managers I knew would have banned the customer.

Was the server male or female?

HAAHAAHA! And, /WHAP!!!!

I agree with Stuart. I worked in a very similar type of restaurant all through high school and college (Coco's #43, may it RIP). It is the manager's job to handle this stuff. NOT other customers'. If the manager is not doing the job, then a district manager needs to be apprised of the situation. And it can be elevated from there if need be.

After more than a couple of instances of that behavior, the better managers I knew would have banned the customer.

I can't believe this! You would sit silent while someone was being berated because you think it's proper protocol to report it to the manager and not intervene????

You would love to be on my flight if someone lit into you. You wouldn't have to put up with it for a minute. Some of my frequent flyers kiss me on the top of my head when they see me. Some nasty frequent flyers know to, as Barney Fife said, "Nip it, nip it, nip it!!" when they see me. None of the staff or the other passengers need to be subjected to hateful behavior from someone they've never met or had any interaction with before.

I agree with Stuart. I worked in a very similar type of restaurant all through high school and college (Coco's #43, may it RIP). It is the manager's job to handle this stuff. NOT other customers'. If the manager is not doing the job, then a district manager needs to be apprised of the situation. And it can be elevated from there if need be.

After more than a couple of instances of that behavior, the better managers I knew would have banned the customer.

I can't believe this! You would sit silent while someone was being berated because you think it's proper protocol to report it to the manager and not intervene????

You would love to be on my flight if someone lit into you. You wouldn't have to put up with it for a minute. Some of my frequent flyers kiss me on the top of my head when they see me. Some nasty frequent flyers know to, as Barney Fife said, "Nip it, nip it, nip it!!" when they see me. None of the staff or the other passengers need to be subjected to hateful behavior from someone they've never met or had any interaction with before.

Berated, yes. Happens all the time. Sometimes it goes the other way, too.

Physically attacked, no.

Was the server male or female?

HAAHAAHA! And, /WHAP!!!!

I was being serious. If the server is male, he should be accustom to verbal abuse from his girlfriend/fiancée/wife and thus have thick skin and be able to take lesser verbal abuse at work.

Gee, Karen, why don't you take the lady out to the parking lot, shave her head, and burn her at the stake. That should do it.

rwj

Usually people like these customers are loud and obnoxious and berate the wait staff so that others in the restaurant can hear them. They get no pleasure out of their performance unless there is an audience. Since I am paying for not only the meal but the expectation that I will have an environment that is at least civil, this kind of behavior intereres with my experience. I would definitely complain -- but, I would complain about not being able to enjoy my meal with the trash talking coming from the next table. Then, I would make it clear that, unless they get it under control, I would not be paying for my meal. That last part of the sentence is always enough to bring the manager and the cook to the table to ask "is something wrong". Once I've got management attention, I loud talk my complaint about the offending party -- and point fingers.

Verbal and physical abuse are not the same thing. Stepping into a verbal abuse situation can often escalate things and puts one in a less compelling position to solve the problem (incompetent management which does not support their employees) rather than the symptom (assholes getting away with being assholes). If no one is going to get injured, I'd rather sink the manager's career; if he/she is allowing this to happen, there's probably a dozen other things you aren't seeing which is making the work environment hell.

Physical is different, and personally having low regard for human life, I would have no problem taking the abuser out of the gene pool.

edit: JoAnn, Karen states that the manager knows this happens and won't do anything.

Haven't personally witnessed this kind of behavior in ages which doesn't mean that I'm less incensed that it happens and nothing is done about it...and that goes for everybody involved. IMO, it doesn't really matter if this joint was a Perkin's, a Denny's or the French Laundry, bad manners are a no-no and when upshifted to abuse, intolerable.
I, and think most here, would like to know what was the server doing all this time, why was he/she putting up with it, where was the alleged manager, where were other staff members. Was everybody just ignoring the situation, doing their ostrich impersonation and hoping it would all go away.
Why hasn't this customer with a 'history' of abuse, already been banned.
FWIW, I have intervened in similar situations and it wasn't pretty, but must admit to it being satisfying.
And finally, this thread goes along with the thread I started a week or so ago about how far does a restaurant go to accomodate a customer, in this case, apparently too far...

Haven't personally witnessed this kind of behavior in ages which doesn't mean that I'm less incensed that it happens and nothing is done about it...and that goes for everybody involved. IMO, it doesn't really matter if this joint was a Perkin's, a Denny's or the French Laundry, bad manners are a no-no and when upshifted to abuse, intolerable.
I, and think most here, would like to know what was the server doing all this time, why was he/she putting up with it, where was the alleged manager, where were other staff members. Was everybody just ignoring the situation, doing their ostrich impersonation and hoping it would all go away.
Why hasn't this customer with a 'history' of abuse, already been banned.
FWIW, I have intervened in similar situations and it wasn't pretty, but must admit to it being satisfying.
And finally, this thread goes along with the thread I started a week or so ago about how far does a restaurant go to accomodate a customer, in this case, apparently too far...

The reason I could never, even when starving, be a waiter. I'd have popped the bitch within five minutes and then, feeling relieved, gone to look for another job. And that's why I wouldn't come to the direct aid of the waiter. You never know if the waiter is taking the abuse for whatever reason, which is why I find myself agreeing with Stuart's position--that always seems to surprise me

If the manager isn't going to do anything, then how the place is managed is the problem.

[Robin Garr]

You obviously don't know my dear pal Karen. She would do all that (given appropriate circumstances), and I would help her!

Gee, Karen, why don't you take the lady out to the parking lot, shave her head, and burn her at the stake. That should do it.

Well, I know this will surprise those of you who have only seen my gentleness here.

I have thrown rude assholes out of my restaurants and told them I never wanted to see them again. (Only once was "physical" throwing involved).

Needless to say the dining room staffs strongly encouraged me to stay in the kitchen.

The reason I could never, even when starving, be a waiter. I'd have popped the bitch within five minutes and then, feeling relieved, gone to look for another job. And that's why I wouldn't come to the direct aid of the waiter. You never know if the waiter is taking the abuse for whatever reason, which is why I find myself agreeing with Stuart's position--that always seems to surprise me

If the manager isn't going to do anything, then how the place is managed is the problem.

We did have one waitress who put a lemon tart into the face of an abusive customer. It was well worth the loss of the job.

In a situation like this, I'd be more inclined to try to talk to the manager than directly intervene. No-one should have to put up with abuse from customers, and any manager worth his/her salt will recognize that. If the manager won't do his/her job, I would have no hesitation telling the manager that his/her treatment of the staff is disgraceful and that they've lost my business. And I would certainly let the owner know, assuming the manager is an employee.

Stuart, I think my first thought would also to be to get the manager. However a story in our local paper just yesterday tells us that the manager is not always the way to go.

Short synopsis: baby left in a van in a parking lot while Mother shops. Couple see the baby and can not rouse it by tapping on the window. Couple goes into the store and asks the clerk to call 911, clerk calls the manager. Manager says it is against policy to interfere with anything going on in the parking lot. Cops called by couple from cell phone, and Mother taken to jail. Read the whole story at the link below.
http://www.kentucky.com/181/story/518044.html

Re an upsetting story about a toddler locked in a van in a parking lot, sorry but it's fair to point out that what a Bed, Bath & Beyond store manager did or didn't do about it in no way applies to this thread and how a restaurant manager should deal with a bad-mannered, abusive customer.