Things that annoy you while dining at a restaurant.

Overly solicitous waitstaff, especially when it's blatantly insincere (as opposed to just the normal insincerity of it all):
I do NOT want to hear your life story
I do NOT need a dramatic reading of the menu; I can read quite well on my own, thankyouverymuch
I do NOT want to interrupt my meal 5 minutes into the experience to answer your question of "how is everything?"
I do NOT want to answer your question of "are you still working on that?"
I do NOT need my wineglass refilled from a bottle that rests on the table, especially when you overfill my glass

Inattentive waitrons can be nearly as annoying, but it's far easier to flag someone down (and I'm shameless about flagging down anyone I can see if my waitron isn't paying attention to me) than to shoo your server away.

You hit most of mine too.

Don't like overly friendly waiters, have told the ones that keep coming over to ask how things are that they were great except when the waitstaff keeps bothering me and that I'll call them, not vice versa.

Have told them I don't need them to go over the menu, just the specials.

Have threatened to withhold a tip if they waiter insisted on pouring our wine after being instructed to desist and followed through when the brain dead sever did it again in the face of that request. Robot on autopilot!

Generally agree, Paul, but here's a (paranoid?) case for it: I have a 79-year-old father. Uses a duffel bag for a pillbox. Something might happen at any time, you know.

Yes, but even in that case you can put the cell phone on "vibrate" and take the call away from the dining area.

-Paul W.

Generally agree, Paul, but here's a (paranoid?) case for it: I have a 79-year-old father. Uses a duffel bag for a pillbox. Something might happen at any time, you know.

Yes, but even in that case you can put the cell phone on "vibrate" and take the call away from the dining area.

Agreed.

Don't like overly friendly waiters, ...

Me, neither, but the one tonight had curly dark hair and dark eyes and a handsome build and... ahem.

He can talk to me anytime!

Most of my pettest peeves have been covered here. I'll add one more, though, and that's "portions that are way too large". My wife and I were eating at a place in the Minneapolis airport last night. They had full dinners, sandwiches, small plates, etc. I wanted a light meal, so I ordered a fried walleye sandwich. My sandwich consisted of a split roll that was somewhere between eight and ten inches long and three to four wide. One side was completely covered (and then some) by a huge fried fillet of fish. There was a small mountain of chopped tomato, lettuce, and onion covering the other side. A gigantic portion of fries occupied the rest of the plate as well as heaping up over the sandwich.

There is no need for this. I know people like to feel they're getting a good deal when they buy a meal, but this sort of thing is just ridiculous. I don't like wasting food and I'm sure as hell not schlepping leftover fried walleye halfway across the country. Even I were at home, though, I would have been annoyed with this. The whole trend just feeds into the problems our country has with obesity. Places like Buca di Beppo, with its mediocre Italian food and a reputation for sending people home with grocery bags full of leftovers, are the worst offenders. I'd rather have half the food at 60% of the price.

Back in the '80's, there was a lot of sarcastic (and well-deserved) commentary over the tiny portions served by some of the cutting-edge restaurants. All well and good, but there has to be some sort of sane middle ground between that and a 4000 calorie entree.