The Bad Substitutions Hall of Fame is now open

[Jenise]

If you see Osso Bucco on a menu in a restaurant it should be made of veal as per definition by any accomplished cook.

100% agreement. Much as I may like the dish, that's definitely not an acceptable substitution.

[Robin Garr]

The funny thing is that on each of those links, the second definition for burger is "a sandwich with a non-meat patty, i.e. tofu burger, veggie burger.."

Just to stir the pot, er, add more information, two of the best meatless "burgers" I've had lately in restaurants in this city have been the black bean, spinach and walnut "burger" at Bluegrass Brewing Co., and the white-bean "burger" at Meridian Cafe.

Chicken Fingers.

Are they made out of the same stuff as White Castle Chicken Rings? This report I put together a couple of years ago might amuse you ...

Chicken Rings appear to be pressed out of an industrial substance (no, not Soylent Green) that, in the era of deregulation, is actually permitted for human consumption. Allow me to quote from the U.S. Department of Agriculture’s Food Safety and Inspection Service:
...

No. Chicken fingers, which are often served at the same places that serve Wings, are dredged sections of breast meat, deep fried and sauced in the same manner as Wings (OK - Buffalo Wings for those of you not in the Buffalo area).

If you see Osso Bucco on a menu in a restaurant it should be made of veal as per definition by any accomplished cook. If you want lamb shanks Osso Bucco style so be it, and I find that particular dish to be very tasty. I bring this up because of an experience we had in an upscale restaurant where my wife ordered Osso Bucco and lamb was used instead of veal. She complained to the waitress, who called the manager, who called the chef, who apologized to my wife, and said he was instructed to serve it as described and at the same time admitting it was not Osso Bucco. In defense of the restaurant they did not charge my wife for the "Lamb Shank".

Lou,

I agree completely with what you say regarding "on a menu in a restaurant it should be made of veal as per definition by any accomplished cook."
Having said that, I do make lamb shanks osso bucco style and I think I actually prefer them to veal. I would love to send you the recipe just to get BLU's critique on the recipe!

If you see Osso Bucco on a menu in a restaurant it should be made of veal as per definition by any accomplished cook. If you want lamb shanks Osso Bucco style so be it, and I find that particular dish to be very tasty. I bring this up because of an experience we had in an upscale restaurant where my wife ordered Osso Bucco and lamb was used instead of veal. She complained to the waitress, who called the manager, who called the chef, who apologized to my wife, and said he was instructed to serve it as described and at the same time admitting it was not Osso Bucco. In defense of the restaurant they did not charge my wife for the "Lamb Shank".

Lou,

I agree completely with what you say regarding "on a menu in a restaurant it should be made of veal as per definition by any accomplished cook."
Having said that, I do make lamb shanks osso bucco style and I think I actually prefer them to veal. I would love to send you the recipe just to get BLU's critique on the recipe!

Bl says send away. We both like lamb shanks.

[Robin Garr]

No. Chicken fingers, which are often served at the same places that serve Wings, are dredged sections of breast meat, deep fried and sauced in the same manner as Wings (OK - Buffalo Wings for those of you not in the Buffalo area).

My bad ... I was thinking of McNuggets.

a burger is conventionally referred to as a substitute hamburger which is a sandwich containing a bun and a meat patty as described in dictionaries on Answers.com, Dictionary.com, and Miriam-Webster online dictionary.

The funny thing is that on each of those links, the second definition for burger is "a sandwich with a non-meat patty, i.e. tofu burger, veggie burger.."

Correct!

[David M. Bueker]

No. Chicken fingers, which are often served at the same places that serve Wings, are dredged sections of breast meat, deep fried and sauced in the same manner as Wings (OK - Buffalo Wings for those of you not in the Buffalo area).

My bad ... I was thinking of McNuggets.

Actually most places do not pre-sauce them. There used to be a place in town that used very good chicken, a very light breading, and some fantastic red sauce for dipping. The darned things were a pleasure to eat. Thankfully (for my waistline) the place closed.

Cow corn for sweet corn.

My bride would argue that point with you. She grew up on a dairy farm where her father grew corn for silage, and she loves the old-fashioned version. She says modern corn is nothing but agribusiness pandering to the national sweet tooth.

NO, NO, NO, NO. There has always been a difference between "sweet corn" and "field corn" grown for the livestock.

I grew up on a farm and we grew both white corn and yellow corn—we called the yellow stuff horse corn. We used white corn as a side dish and it was indispensible in chowder. But try to grill it and it would just burn up and not char. I notice Mark Bitman used yellow corn in his recent NY Times video on grilling corn (but his flavorings were namby). Yep, yellow corn kernel skins are a little hard to digest, but any place that tried to use white corn for grilling would err on the bad side of substitution.
There are a lot more maize varieties than white and yellow corn—maybe worth a separate thread?

Number 1 on my list of despised substitutes is that abomination known to some as "margarine".

Following that and largely related to things (I refuse to call them foods) that are made in the name of people who keep kosher: (a) Salmon eggs instead of caviar; (b) Artificial (that is to say "chemically created") cream and milk substitutes; (c) Surimi - that is to say North Sea Pollack that is beaten, extruded, colored and with flavor additives to resemble shrimps, crabs, calamari, lobster, etc; (d) Meatless hamburgers.

A bit further down on my list but still to be avoided: (a) low fat cheese; (b) soya burgers; (c) hot dogs or other sausages made from chicken or turkey meat; (d) shwarma made from anything but lamb or mutton; (e) frozen french fried potatoes;
frozen or tinned spinach; (f) tinned olives; (g) frozen pizzas; "maple syrup that contains less than 3% of real maple syrup; (h) Spam (although it amuses me at times); ....... and on, and on......

Best
Rogov

[David M. Bueker]

Salmon roe can be quite tasty! Just don't call it caviar.

The Italian recipe for lamb shanks is called stinco, and it's similar to osso bucco, it just that a dish named stinco in a menu may have a hard time selling . I saw pork osso bucco on the menu at an Italian restaurant in Arthur Avenue in the Bronx. That is also a big no no for me.

Let me add Aunt Jemima or any other pancake syrup instead of pure maple syrup, cake and brownie mixes, and non-fat (yeah right) cooking sprays such as PAM.

[Robin Garr]

... non-fat (yeah right) cooking sprays such as PAM.

Jacques, by coincidence, Alton Brown spoke of this in a recently re-played edition of Good Eats. Apparently US nutrional-labeling laws permit foods with less than 0.5% fat per serving to be labeled "non-fat." Since PAM works, in theory, by laying down a microscopic layer, it falls well under this criterion in the finished dish.

Whatever. I don't use the stuff myself.

As a diving instructor aware of issues with compressed air and petroleum lubricants (lipoid pneumonia being one possible upshot), I have never been a fan of aerosol oil products and prefer the old fashioned sort.

That aside, may I say that I find one of the worst travesties in restaurants is the use of a defined term, 'Caesar salad' (like osso buco, this means a specific recipe) to cover a wide range of salads, some of them worthy of having the 'chef' immediately gralloched in their own kitches with a butter knife. The latter would include iceberg lettuce with bottled dressing, but as a purist, I'd include anything that is far from the original recipe.

I do try to remember to ask, but many is the time when I get something missing a component or three, often the anchovy, and on occasion I have sent it back, telling them that they are guilty of misrepresentation.

[Jenise]

Yep, yellow corn kernel skins are a little hard to digest, but any place that tried to use white corn for grilling would err on the bad side of substitution.
There are a lot more maize varieties than white and yellow corn—maybe worth a separate thread?

Well, there are also a lot of varieties of yellow corn. Some are best suited for livestock feed, but hard to digest, unsweet? No, yellow sweet corn is a joy to behold. As tender or more tender than any white. In fact, I find white too starchy and sweet, or "unbalanced" as a wine lover might put it.

I do try to remember to ask, but many is the time when I get something missing a component or three, often the anchovy, and on occasion I have sent it back, telling them that they are guilty of misrepresentation.

We put anchovies in if we make caesar salad, but it's not actually part of the original/classic recipe (which just uses Worchestershire)

I love lamb shanks, but would not be happy if I ordered osso buco and that's what arrived. Most of the other things discussed here are not really substitutions (I doubt anyone ever ordered a hamburger and got a tempeh burger).

[Jenise]

Most of the other things discussed here are not really substitutions (I doubt anyone ever ordered a hamburger and got a tempeh burger).

Yeah.... Closer is the Ginger Beef I ordered at a Wok in the box restaurant yesterday. What I got was deep fried tough beef strips in a thick batter with a sticky, gut wrenchingly sticky corn syrup sauce but of course the sauce is a separate problem. The description simply mentioned that it came with chunks of green bell pepper and onion, but there was no mention of deep fried though other dishes involving chicken DID mention that method. Tossed it in the trash after a few bites.

Number 1 on my list of despised substitutes is that abomination known to some as "margarine".

I grew up in the 50s and 60s in a household that used margarine exclusively as a substitute for butter. Both of my dad's parents had died prematurely of heart attacks, and he (a medical doctor) wanted to insure the he and we children didn't suffer the same fate. The dietetic wisdom of the day was that hydrogenated vegetable fat (margarine) was better for you, cardiac-wise, than butter, so margarine we got. Once I was on my own, I used butter, on the grounds that it tastes better than margarine. But most of what I was cooking called for vegetable or olive oil anyway. Then came the revelations concerning the dangers of trans-fats and hydrogenated vegetable oil. I've noted with some amusement that real butter is now on my parents' table in place of margarine.

I long ago gave up trying to follow food-health fads. Moderation in all things is my motto.

-Paul W.

Most of the other things discussed here are not really substitutions (I doubt anyone ever ordered a hamburger and got a tempeh burger).

The thread did not call for chef initiated substitutions.

Cafes that sell "cappucino" that is made out of instant coffee with steamed milk.
Yes, such things happen. If I can't see the coffee machine, I won't order coffee.

Manhattans made with Canadian whiskey.

[Robin Garr]

Manhattans made with Canadian whiskey.

Wouldn't that make it a "Toronto" or something?

[David M. Bueker]

Manhattans made with Canadian whiskey.

Wouldn't that make it a "Toronto" or something?

I get a Rush just thinking about it. We'll call it The Manhattan Project!