Food Funnies

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For visitors to Italy:

1. Stop asking for pineapple on pizza.
We’re begging you. Please. This is Italy, not a tropical experiment.

2. Stop asking for chicken on pizza.
Chicken has never met a pizza in Italy. They are complete strangers.

3. Stop putting ketchup on pasta.
We see you. We pretend not to. But inside, we collapse dramatically.

4. Stop asking for parmesan on seafood pasta.
There are many crimes in this world. This is one of them.

5. Stop asking for spaghetti bolognese everywhere in Italy.
It exists in Bologna. Outside Bologna, you’re basically asking for a unicorn.

6. Stop asking for “Italian dressing.”
We have olive oil. We have vinegar. The “Italian dressing” from abroad is… a mystery to us all.

7. Stop asking for Alfredo pasta.
We know TikTok told you it's Italian. TikTok lied.

8. Stop ordering “pepperoni pizza” expecting salami.
You'll get bell peppers. And confusion. Mostly confusion.

9. Stop cutting spaghetti with a knife.
Use a fork. Twirl. It’s easy. We promise the spaghetti will not escape.

10. Stop asking for carbonara “extra creamy.”
Carbonara becomes creamy from eggs and cheese—not cream. Adding cream makes it something else entirely.

11. Stop asking for chicken parmigiana.
It’s not Italian. It doesn’t exist here. We don’t know who told you it was ours.

12. Stop putting ice in wine.
If the wine tastes bad with ice… it’s not the ice that’s the problem.

13. Stop asking for ranch dressing.
We don’t know what it is. We don’t have it. We’re scared of it.

14. Stop asking for “a side of spaghetti” like it’s fries.
Spaghetti is not a side dish. It has pride.

15. Stop using a spoon to eat spaghetti.
It’s not wrong… but every Italian at the table suddenly feels the need to look away.

16. Stop trying to customize every plate.
“No onion, no tomato, no cheese, no sauce…”
My friend, that’s a plate of sadness.

17. Stop calling every waiter “garçon.”
This is not Paris. We keep it simple: “Scusi.”

18. Stop ordering spaghetti with meatballs.
It’s a great dish—just not an Italian one. Here, the two live separate lives.

1. Stop asking for pineapple on pizza.

We’re begging you. Please. This is Italy, not a tropical experiment. .

Five crimes against pizza (and pineapple isn’t one of them)
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/food-and-drink/features/five-crimes-against-pizza-according-to-italians/

I like that pan tree!

I like that pan tree!

Yes - if I had the wall space I'd consider creating one!

Those are both good!