Spousal incompatibility with some foods you love?

My wife is a vegetarian, and I'm a lifelong omnivore. But I don"t mind eating vegetarian, as it's very healthy. The main issue is figuring out good recipes for vegetarian food. She isn't a fancy eater, though, though salads are fine for dinner. We eat lots of salads! She does eat fish ocassionally, though, which helps.

[Jenise]

The worst was during her first trimester of pregnancy when she had morning sickness and couldn't tolerate any garlic or onions even coming out of my pores (i.e. if I had eaten them outside the house while dining with friends). That was tough!!!

Rahsaan, there's a baby on the way? Or...is it already here? Details, we need details!

[Jenise]

My husband on the other hand hates pickles (or anything pickled), salad or salad dressing or mayonaise, spinach, clams, scallops, ricotta cheese (so no lasagne, stuffed shells, cheese ravioli, etc.), cilantro, lemon grass, avocado, mexican food (in general), Thai food (in general). He doesn't like the texture of cooked onions, peppers, celery, and mushrooms....

Maria, Maria, Maria! That list is...scary. Please tell Chris that we have bestowed on him the title: Worst Culinary Spouse In The World!

But all kidding aside, there's hope. I met my husband when he was 40. So, fairly established in his ways, and he would not eat: sourdough bread, corn tortillas, artichokes, blue or stinky cheeses (he basically liked only mild cheddar), ANYTHING pickled, chiles, spicy food in general, acidic food in general, seafood/pasta in combination, a dry hamburger, and any food called 'soup', 'stew' or 'casserole'. So what did I do? I ignored him. I just kept making and serving the foods I loved and as he adapted to all the salads, tomatoes, garlic and olive oil as well as a greater insensity of flavor present in my food than what he was used to, he learned to not just like but truly love ALL the foods on that list.

No, I'll never get him to join me for a pickled pigs foot, but short of that he now enjoys all the same foods I do.

I thought about that when I read Jeffrey Steingarten's The Man Who Ate Everything. In the book, Jeffrey devotes a hilarious chapter to the process, from which is derived the title of the book, by which he taught himself to like the 8 or 10 foods he just couldn't stand when Vogue made him their resident food critic. He cited studies that suggest that phobias aside, food dislikes are typically based on unfamiliarity or some long-ago bad encounter, both of which are essentially recoverable by exposure. I can't recall the specificity of that now, but something like eight tries usually does the trick, and his description of his own turn-arounds reminded me of the evening I spent in London where blue cheese went from being one of the three foods in this world I detested the most to Stilton's newest fan. I had to try it to be polite and of course I hated it, but then I noticed that I didn't actually die and so, when urged by my host to try another, I did. And I still hated it, but not as much. The third bite tasted more like an old bandaid, the fourth bite had me wondering if I'd ever LIKED old bandaids, and the fifth bite convinced me I must have. Jeffrey's own reversal on kimchee, for instance, was similar. He went from hating it to "eating more kimchee than all of South Korea", I think he put it.

Anyway, your husband dislikes too many foods it's not reasonable to dislike. Of course, convincing him to change his mind about them is another problem entirely, but I do wish you luck.

This is a topic that I can really relate to. While it's eminently true that my husband Kirk pretty much loves almost everything I cook, there are certain ingredients that he still vocally objects to, when reading menus or discussing dinner plans, never mind that I use these ingredients quite regularly in various preparations. These include: eggplant, anchovies, liver (even though he loves foe gras and any kind of pate) any kind of whole fish with skeleton intact, catfish, fish broth, mussels, any kind of clams (and he loves clam chowder~so go figure), cooked spinach, radiccio (and last night he happily ate a salad of shredded radiccio, parmesan and apples). The list could go on and on, and it's a prime reason why I pretty much never ask him what he wants for dinner, I just set it before him, tell him little about what's in it, and he's happy as that proverbial clam.

[Jenise]

The list could go on and on, and it's a prime reason why I pretty much never ask him what he wants for dinner, I just set it before him, tell him little about what's in it, and he's happy as that proverbial clam.

Great line! And I didn't quite realize that about Kirk but can visualize it quite well, he's not one to backtrack. But yeah, just set it in front of him: omit certain words and use creative marketing to sell the rest. With Bob, I didn't serve soup, it was "chicken and dumplings in broth". And it wasn't a Mexican casserole, it was "turkey and cilantro enchilada pie". In fact, I served a lot of "pies" once I realized that 'pie', to a southern boy, is ALWAYS good. (That, and his horrible mother didn't make "pie".)

Rahsaan, there's a baby on the way? Or...is it already here? Details, we need details!

Yes, a baby boy due in early September.

We're obviously excited but the summer is looking to be hot and tough on my wife.

But hey, at least we/she can eat onions again!

[Jenise]

Rahsaan, there's a baby on the way? Or...is it already here? Details, we need details!

Yes, a baby boy due in early September.

We're obviously excited but the summer is looking to be hot and tough on my wife.

But hey, at least we/she can eat onions again!

Rahsaan, congratulations, that's great news. Hot and tough--ooh yes, I was born at the end of a long hot summer and I grew up hearing stories about my poor mother's suffering. I was nearly born in Yosemite because my father drove her up there to escape the L.A. heat. Keep her cool!

I was nearly born in Yosemite because my father drove her up there to escape the L.A. heat.

I now have an image of you, as an infant, bobbling and bouncing on the top of a jet from Old Faithful.

[Jenise]

I was nearly born in Yosemite because my father drove her up there to escape the L.A. heat.

I now have an image of you, as an infant, bobbling and bouncing on the top of a jet from Old Faithful.

LOL but no, that would be Yellowstone. You have your Parks mixed up, nature boy. Try instead me, en bassinette, going over Yosemite Falls.

Try instead me, en bassinette, going over Yosemite Falls.

I live closer to Niagara Falls... so I see you now, en bassinette and en pickle barrel, floating serenely, as in a silent movie, towards the thundering mists....

Oh, Snidely Whiplash, where art thou?

My husband on the other hand hates pickles (or anything pickled), salad or salad dressing or mayonaise, spinach, clams, scallops, ricotta cheese (so no lasagne, stuffed shells, cheese ravioli, etc.), cilantro, lemon grass, avocado, mexican food (in general), Thai food (in general). He doesn't like the texture of cooked onions, peppers, celery, and mushrooms....

Maria, Maria, Maria! That list is...scary. Please tell Chris that we have bestowed on him the title: Worst Culinary Spouse In The World!

But all kidding aside, there's hope. I met my husband when he was 40. So, fairly established in his ways, and he would not eat: sourdough bread, corn tortillas, artichokes, blue or stinky cheeses (he basically liked only mild cheddar), ANYTHING pickled, chiles, spicy food in general, acidic food in general, seafood/pasta in combination, a dry hamburger, and any food called 'soup', 'stew' or 'casserole'. So what did I do? I ignored him. I just kept making and serving the foods I loved and as he adapted to all the salads, tomatoes, garlic and olive oil as well as a greater insensity of flavor present in my food than what he was used to, he learned to not just like but truly love ALL the foods on that list.

No, I'll never get him to join me for a pickled pigs foot, but short of that he now enjoys all the same foods I do.

I thought about that when I read Jeffrey Steingarten's The Man Who Ate Everything. In the book, Jeffrey devotes a hilarious chapter to the process, from which is derived the title of the book, by which he taught himself to like the 8 or 10 foods he just couldn't stand when Vogue made him their resident food critic. He cited studies that suggest that phobias aside, food dislikes are typically based on unfamiliarity or some long-ago bad encounter, both of which are essentially recoverable by exposure. I can't recall the specificity of that now, but something like eight tries usually does the trick, and his description of his own turn-arounds reminded me of the evening I spent in London where blue cheese went from being one of the three foods in this world I detested the most to Stilton's newest fan. I had to try it to be polite and of course I hated it, but then I noticed that I didn't actually die and so, when urged by my host to try another, I did. And I still hated it, but not as much. The third bite tasted more like an old bandaid, the fourth bite had me wondering if I'd ever LIKED old bandaids, and the fifth bite convinced me I must have. Jeffrey's own reversal on kimchee, for instance, was similar. He went from hating it to "eating more kimchee than all of South Korea", I think he put it.

Anyway, your husband dislikes too many foods it's not reasonable to dislike. Of course, convincing him to change his mind about them is another problem entirely, but I do wish you luck.

Oh yeah, that reminds me, Jenise, my husband also won't eat Sourdough bread or artichokes either. I am SO glad there is some hope then...UGGHH!! I think part of the problem is that he is not a foodie and eats to live rather than lives to eat. Like I said, he has grown to love some things he never ate before, like sushi and spicy foods. He even ate one of my stuffed shells the other day (just took the stuffing out...LOL). It's the one place I have been disappointed in our marriage...he is such a great husband, but he is so dispassionate about food, that it's no fun cooking for him. Add my DS who is allergic to everything and well, you can imagine how fun it is to cook in my house...NOT!

Rahsaan - My MIL was (and is) a very good cook, but as a family, they are not very adventurous. My husband's from England, so he lots of meats and potatoes, stews, and fish. My FIL was EXTREMELY picky and really only ate pork, ham, corn, and potatoes. My MIL likes more things, but she doesn't like a lot of variety either and doesn't try new things. As far as the cherries go, I suspect my husband may be allergic to them (it's not uncommon when some is allergic to apples to also be allergic to cherries). He blames it on the fact that when he was little he was sick a lot and had to have cherry cough medicine .
BTW - CONGRATULATIONS on your baby boy to be!

Thank you all. I don't feel quite so "put upon". Michael doesn't eat much of anything that lived in water, some well done grilled fish and fish and chips. No pork (except bacon and pepperoni) and no lamb. Beef is okay if it is well done and/or marinated. Yes, chicken get tiresome. No casseroles, avocados, and no quiche. Thankfully he enjoys spice and almost all vegetables. He loves bell peppers and cilantro and I almost never serve them. I strongly dislike the smell of the peppers and certainly don't want it on my hands. When I first started cooking for him almost 30 years ago, I served him all of the dishes I had developed to just the right taste: Pasta Carbonara, at least he didn't tell me he hated it until after we were married. Oddly, enough he has learned to like it now that I use only pancetta instead of ham and bacon. Beef Stroganoff, he picks the beef out. Quiche Lorraine, "real men don't eat quiche". Fortunately he loves my Tiramisu. If I want Japanese food, I find a friend.

My husband is the perfect spouse. He eats almost everything I eat except raw celery and doesn't like too many whole anchovies - but would eat anchoiade (just don't tell him what is in it).
On the other hand, he loves oysters and mussels and other shellfish that I am allergic too. However I am a good wife and have even been known to buy him fresh Bluff oysters when they come into season and tell him to go ahead and buy green lipped mussels when we have friends around for a BBQ. Oysters and mussels are often ordered by him at restaurants, too.

My husband is the perfect spouse. He eats almost everything I eat except raw celery and doesn't like too many whole anchovies - but would eat anchoiade (just don't tell him what is in it).
On the other hand, he loves oysters and mussels and other shellfish that I am allergic too. However I am a good wife and have even been known to buy him fresh Bluff oysters when they come into season and tell him to go ahead and buy green lipped mussels when we have friends around for a BBQ. Oysters and mussels are often ordered by him at restaurants, too.

Having been brought up on a dairy farm, I would drink milk still warm as it came from the cows into the vat. On our porridge in the morning I got first shot at the cream that had separated to the top of the milk jug as it rested overnight in the fridge. I could drink a glass of milk now and will finish the little carton of milk we get in motels for our tea. I have muesli and milk with yogurt for breakfast. Sue, on the other hand, still has memories of drinking milk at school that had sat out in the hot sun until morning play time, when every school kid in NZ was force fed a 1/4 pint of milk "because it was good for you". Fortunately this practice was stopped some time shortly after our school days were over.

Congratulations, Rahsaan!! We moved into our current house during the month of May when my wife was eight months pregnant. Within a week, it had hit over 100° F and the air conditioner broke down. There's nothing like a wailing pregnant woman to get an instant response from an air conditioning repairman.

Man, whatever their positive traits I couldn't live with some of the spouses some of you live with. How incredibly narrow their horizons.

Man, whatever their positive traits I couldn't live with some of the spouses some of you live with. How incredibly narrow their horizons.

You echo what Neil said. Food is an adventure, like wine. Mind you I would be averse to trying some of the creepy crawlies you see on reality TV shows.

My husband is the perfect spouse. He eats almost everything I eat except raw celery and doesn't like too many whole anchovies - but would eat anchoiade (just don't tell him what is in it).
On the other hand, he loves oysters and mussels and other shellfish that I am allergic too. However I am a good wife and have even been known to buy him fresh Bluff oysters when they come into season and tell him to go ahead and buy green lipped mussels when we have friends around for a BBQ. Oysters and mussels are often ordered by him at restaurants, too.

Having been brought up on a dairy farm, I would drink milk still warm as it came from the cows into the vat. On our porridge in the morning I got first shot at the cream that had separated to the top of the milk jug as it rested overnight in the fridge. I could drink a glass of milk now and will finish the little carton of milk we get in motels for our tea. I have muesli and milk with yogurt for breakfast. Sue, on the other hand, still has memories of drinking milk at school that had sat out in the hot sun until morning play time, when every school kid in NZ was force fed a 1/4 pint of milk "because it was good for you". Fortunately this practice was stopped some time shortly after our school days were over.

I, too, drank a lot of milk growing up. I still drink milk. If you know someone you can get raw milk here. I went to a Catholic grammar school and took Communion six days per week. Of course we weren't allowed to eat until after. We were provided milk and sweet rolls. If there was chocolate available I went for it. I think milk was a lot healthier then.

I, too, drank a lot of milk growing up. I still drink milk. If you know someone you can get raw milk here. I went to a Catholic grammar school and took Communion six days per week. Of course we weren't allowed to eat until after. We were provided milk and sweet rolls. If there was chocolate available I went for it. I think milk was a lot healthier then.

So you were raised a good Catholic boy? I was raised a good Catholic girl.....what happened to us?

[Jenise]

Man, whatever their positive traits I couldn't live with some of the spouses some of you live with. How incredibly narrow their horizons.

Same thought was going through my head. Food's so central to my existence that I would never have chosen to love someone who couldn't (wouldn't) take that ride with me. Never understood how couples like Stuart Yaniger (foodie vegetarian) and his ex Linda (junk food's biggest fan) ever got to the altar--sex only gets you so far.

Though Bob had a rather strange list of limitations when I met him, he had great potential. That is, as a business perk he'd experienced a lot of fine restaurant food and understood--and loved--that my cooking was far from average.

Gail and I have a few differences, but not to the extent some of you do. Among the biggies: I don't care for seafood except for a few fish cooked certain ways, while Gail likes fish, shrimp and crab; she loves beef liver and I can't stand being in the same building with it; she doesn't care for bell peppers, asparagus, or artichokes, but I love them; she doesn't like blue cheese or feta; and she likes her steak bloodier than I can tolerate.

Among the biggies: I don't care for seafood except for a few fish cooked certain ways, while Gail likes fish, shrimp and crab

Robert, you just reminded me of a biggie that I forgot all about. Len does not like salmon (although will politely, begrudgingly eat it if someone serves it at a dinner party) while I eat a lot of it. When I go to the fish market, I buy a salmon fillet for me and a fillet of something else--be it mahi mahi, grouper, anything but salmon--for him. I also order it out a lot.

Like Robin and Mary, Jean and I thankfully have very similar tastes. However, since giving birth to Andrew, Jean has had a difficult time with the bitterness of green vegetables. Prior to that, we'd eat a lot of different vegetables, but now I must cook asparagus to a well-done state in butter and salads are a harder sell. Other than that, the only significant difference is that I'm a more adventurous eater (Jean being more squeamish). So, where I'll eat squid, mussels, softshell crab and sea urchin, she'll stick to shrimp, clams, crab and lobsters. On the flip side, she's more of a red meat eater than I am. None of this is very limiting, though, so we have no trouble sharing meals.

Mark Lipton

In general we're both omnivores. The exceptions are (1) I don't eat desserts and (2) she is less fond of offal than I am. So I eat my liver, sweetbreads, tripe, etc when in restaurants or by myself.