A restaurant owner writes rules for servers part - 2

I often feel like responding to waiters that appear with ginormous pepper grinders: " I would have assumed that the chef would have presented this dish exactly as he intended it to be consumed. You apparently disagree with him. Perhaps you could summon him and we'll have this out once and for all right now".

Hear, hear.

I consider the appearance of a big, ornate pepper grinder, and a waiter's insistence that it be used to defile the food that the chef has, I would assume, very carefully seasoned for my delectation, an offense to my culinary sensibilities, and an indication that the restaurant is more concerned with flummery than with serious cuisine.

Just say NO to the big pepper grinder. Not that it's easy in some restaurants. I've almost been reduced to enraged shouting, to prevent my salad from being defiled, in some cases. But waitrons do generally get the message, eventually, if you're outraged enough.

-Paul W.

Chefs usually don't season salads. In fact, chefs usually don't make salads, someone else in the kitchen does. Usually someone pretty far down the food chain, like for instance the most recent hire who has been relegated to the pantry until such time as they are deemed capable of preparing actual hot food. I have no problem whatsoever if someone appears at my table with a six-foot tall (it's happened) pepper mill. Wail away. "Enraged shouting?" Over a goddamn pepper mill? I don't think you've had enough real pain in your life.

"Enraged shouting?" Over a goddamn pepper mill? I don't think you've had enough real pain in your life.

Truer words...,Chef!

I was just thinking about this a few days ago as I was pouring soy sauce all over my plain steamed rice, a combination that I love. That is, that it was a major shock to me to grow up and have good Chinese friends, and realize that they do NOT use soy sauce as a condiment. It's a seasoning only, used in cooking. They do not pour it all over their food the way I sometimes do--I just adore soy sauce.

The Japanese consider putting soy sauce on rice a sign of being very poor/low class.

I agree that while it's improper for waiter to ask if they should bring change, the diner should just say "that's fine, thanks!" when check is picked up if they don't need change.

Whenever I put soy sauce on my rice, it offends my priggish friend. But it's his problem, not mine. I never said I was high class. And, horrors, I like black pepper on my salad. I even ask for the condiment tray in Thai restaurants. I'm soooo declasse.

[Jenise]

I could be wrong, but I get the impression anymore (and thankfully so) that the pepper mill, once I think a symbol of 'continental cuisine' luxury, is now typically in use mostly in the type of restaurant whose customers eat out only on birthdays and anniversaries. The few times I accept it (as with any seasoning I do not want pepper on all or even the majority of salads I eat), I'm generally sorry. It's typically low quality pepper and pretty flavorless, plus they set the grind to superfine which I detest, AND the waitron who always says "tell me when" always stops applying before I've called it. In the rare case I want pepper (like a caesar, a common enough salad but if not made tableside I won't have it), I want A LOT. So what's the point? It's an outdated affectation.

If you want to see a waiter's face drop, ask them to hand you their mace of office (giant bettery powered pepper grinder) some time. They hate giving it up - like they've been through pepper grinding univrsity or something and no one else is competent to use it.

The one I got a kick out of was one that had lights that flashed on when the grinder was activated - I almost wanted to ask for pepper just so I could watch the recreation of the mother ship landing again.

For the sake of fairness, I did once actually ask for pepper, and it was in a restaurant that did the showy pepper grinder thing, but they hadn't seen fit to do it for the course I ordered. I had a plate of fresh strawberries and asked them to hand me the grinder and they couldn't figure out why. Try it some time!

Along the same lines: I like a scrape of black pepper on cantaloupe.

If you want to see a waiter's face drop, ask them to hand you their mace of office (giant bettery powered pepper grinder) some time. They hate giving it up - like they've been through pepper grinding univrsity or something and no one else is competent to use it.

The one I got a kick out of was one that had lights that flashed on when the grinder was activated - I almost wanted to ask for pepper just so I could watch the recreation of the mother ship landing again.

For the sake of fairness, I did once actually ask for pepper, and it was in a restaurant that did the showy pepper grinder thing, but they hadn't seen fit to do it for the course I ordered. I had a plate of fresh strawberries and asked them to hand me the grinder and they couldn't figure out why. Try it some time!

I agree. Peppered strawberries are great. Try macerating them in some liqueurs, place over ice cream or frozen yogurt, and liberally grind pepper over them. Yum. (BTW, if you're at my house, there are several kinds of salt and several kinds of peppers on my table--you don't have to ask for them. And many, many types of hot sauces are nearby.)

Along the same lines: I like a scrape of black pepper on cantaloupe.

One of my favorite things, Jeff.

I'd like to address the statement, "I assumed the chef would have presented this dish exactly as he intended it to be consumed"...
I have no doubt that this is true from the chef's POV, and also no doubt that if said chef expected every diner to eat it exactly as presented, that it would be supreme arrogance on his part (shouldn't that be his or her part!)
The very best any chef can do is to present a dish to the customers at his/her pinnacle of taste and ability and certainly not expect every diner to share the "vision" and so to alter it to individual taste. If the chef succeeds with a majority, they'll be back and the restaurant will flourish, if not, sayonara.
I see no problem in being presented with an offer of ground pepper and have never had to get into a rage to fight them off.
As stated previously, I "expect" S & P to be on the table and get annoyed when it has to be asked for. I also like to have Tabasco available and have also asked for red pepper flakes when in the mood and don't recall being hassled for it.
The one exception to all of the above IMO, is if you are deliberately going to a 'specialty' resto, where you want to dine on a dish for which it's famous or on a particular narrowly defined cuisine that "is what it is" and is the reason why you're there.

I had to cook a dinner that included a couple of nonfoodies once.

The husband was one of those people that immediately grabbed for the salt shaker without even tasting what he was salting. I must admit that I intentionally took a shot at him once by oversalting the heck out of only his dish when serving. Of course he grabbed the salt shaker (we don't usually have one on the table, but he'd ask for it anyway) and loaded his plate up like he was laying codfish in the hold until they got back to port.

When even he choked on what had become a salt lick instead of a dinner, I just said innocently "I knew you liked salt so I made sure your plate was prepared to suit your tastes. I never thought that anyone would season a dish without tasting it first. Too bad there isn't any more of the main course - I suggest that you'll have to scrape some of that off if you want to eat it."

I'm sure it did absolutely nothing to change the practices of the offender, but it sure gave me a secret smile. Since then if anyone asks for salt I tell them they have to taste the food first, and stick to it. No taste, no salt. No likee, no eatee!

I have since seen a friend do the same thing to another diner, only this time with spices. I'm not into really hot stuff, but my friend is and I guess he took it as a personal insult when another repeat guest alwasy grabbed for the hot sauce before tasting. He certainly regretted it that day.

I wonder why people season food as a knee jerk reaction - surely if they really cared about taste they'd at least sample first to gauge how much they'd need, if any.

Wow, I'm really behind the curve here.

I've always had this quaint idea that when I invite people over to my house, I should be a gracious host and attempt to create the best possible meal and most enjoyable surroundings I can so my guests will appreciate my hospitality.

I confess it has never entered my mind to set traps for people who are my guests, or to purposely prepare food badly, or to insist they slavishly eat what I prepared exactly the way I prepared it. I would never treat people that way, and certainly never my friends. But then, I've also always assumed it wasn't my place to dictate to someone else how they chose to dine (okay, daughters who insist on eating pineapple on their "pizza" excepted, but that's a special and totally justified case).

I was also trained by one of the finest Chefs I know, John Ash, to appreciate the subtleties of great food, and to understand that the true art of a great chef is to present food to people not for their own ego, but so those people can enjoy to the utmost the food they have been presented. Chef Ash also taught me that the 'magic' of any good chef is in what he called the six basic condiments, and that it was his job to figure out how to adapt each plate or dish so that it matched the taster's preference---and failing that, to make it possible for the diner to make his/her own adjustments...since, oddly enough, the diner usually had a pretty good idea of what they liked and didn't like.

In one of the finest restaurants I've ever dined (Pierre Gagnaire in Paris), I paid an ungodly amount of money for a meal, and begrudged not one penny of it afterwards. One of the reasons it was ungodly good was that the Chef and staff made me feel like I was absolute royalty, and that every single thing they did was for my personal delectation. The Chef made it very, very clear that I was the final arbiter of everything, and that my wishes were paramount.

In contrast, I've been to restaurants where the chefs were would-be prima donnas who knew how to construct elaborate edifices of food, but had no understanding whatsoever of good hospitality, and would deny basic condiments with fascist rigor, insisting the diner eat what the chef wanted them to eat and nothing else. I found out I didn't like paying my good money to assuage someone's ego, especially to the detriment of my own palate.

"Enraged shouting?" Over a goddamn pepper mill? I don't think you've had enough real pain in your life.

Hyperbole, a common literary technique.

But I have had to say "no" several times to the occasional waitperson who insists I must have a grind or two of pepper on my salad.

-Paul W.

Hoke, you seem to be mixing up what professional chefs do for a living (with or without attitude and all the degrees in between) and what non-chefs do in their own homes. Totally different things.

In my home I do what pleases me first and only cater to specific wishes of guests if they don't conflict too seriously with my own views (which happens quite seldom). For instance I once offered an after dinner dram of single malt Scotch to a guest because I was under the misapprehension that he was a fellow single malt aficionado. He corrected that impression the minute he asked for mixer (I can't recall which one, Coke or Ginger Ale) and I offered him a blended Scotch with whatever he wanted, but declined to give hime a single malt either mixed or straight.

Acceptable restaurant rules? Of course not. MY rules.

If you want to adopt restaurant rules or any other rules of behavior for what goes on in your house, you are free to do so.

But I have had to say "no" several times to the occasional waitperson who insists I must have a grind or two of pepper on my salad.

As I have had to do with waiters insistent on pouring wine for designated drivers who didn't want any more, to the point that I told them one more pour = no more tip. They poured. (I'd told them to keep their hands off the bottle and let us pour our own).

Hoke, you seem to be mixing up what professional chefs do for a living (with or without attitude and all the degrees in between) and what non-chefs do in their own homes. Totally different things.

In my home I do what pleases me first and only cater to specific wishes of guests if they don't conflict too seriously with my own views (which happens quite seldom). For instance I once offered an after dinner dram of single malt Scotch to a guest because I was under the misapprehension that he was a fellow single malt aficionado. He corrected that impression the minute he asked for mixer (I can't recall which one, Coke or Ginger Ale) and I offered him a blended Scotch with whatever he wanted, but declined to give hime a single malt either mixed or straight.

Acceptable restaurant rules? Of course not. MY rules.

If you want to adopt restaurant rules or any other rules of behavior for what goes on in your house, you are free to do so.

Nope, not mixing up things at all, Bill. Like you, stating some opinions garnered over the years.

You and I simply have a different interpretation of hospitality, that's all. Whether inside the house or at a restaurant.

Deciding to withhold a single malt scotch when someone has made it clear that he would be happy with a blended scotch is not in the same league as deliberately preparing bad food for a guest, or subjecting them to criticism of their eating habits and taste preferences when they're in your home (well, your home maybe, but not in my home). Again, you and I have radically different ideas of hospitality.

And to put it bluntly, if I knew I might expect to be served bad food---on purpose---at your whim, or held up to ridicule and cruel tricks at your table, I don't think I'd enjoy your hospitality all that much anyway. You're correct that in your house, your rules; not gainsaying that at all. But they're not very hospitable or gracious rules. And I think all those years of manhandling temperamental race cars has given you some pretty serious control issues.

Deciding to withhold a single malt scotch when someone has made it clear that he would be happy with a blended scotch is not in the same league as deliberately preparing bad food for a guest, or subjecting them to criticism of their eating habits and taste preferences when they're in your home (well, your home maybe, but not in my home).

You misunderstood. He wanted single malt and wasn't happy that I declined to give it to him even after he said he'd drink it without the mixer. He settled for blended after I told him that was all I'd serve him.

And You misunderstood the food thing too. I didn't prepare 'bad food', I simply salted a dish to the same extent that Salt-boy would have done himself. By not checking before lashing out with the NaCl, HE was the one that drastically oversalted, basically doubling the concentration he was normally happy with. If he'd tasted first there would have been no problem. If I gave the wrong impression by saying I oversalted it, that was my mistake. It WAS oversalted, but only to a person with normal taste. Sorry if I didn't make that clear.

As for whether or not I am a hospitable host, you'd have to check with my guests.

Sorry.

This

I must admit that I intentionally took a shot at him

and this

oversalting the heck out of only his dish when serving.

and this

I just said innocently "I knew you liked salt so I made sure your plate was prepared to suit your tastes. I never thought that anyone would season a dish without tasting it first. Too bad there isn't any more of the main course - I suggest that you'll have to scrape some of that off if you want to eat it."

must have led me astray. Seemed to me you were intending to play a cruel trick knowing a guest's habits and serving what you knew would result in an unpleasant experience for your guest, then chortling over it.

As opposed to, say, making the best possible meal you can serve to please your guests, and not making them jump through whatever hoops and pratfalls you've decided to arrange. But, boy, you sure taught him a lesson, didn't you!

Silly me. I'll sure try to read more carefully next time.

Silly me. I'll sure try to read more carefully next time.

Apology accepted.

Interesting - I never thought that a dinner invitation might turn out to be gourmet boot camp for the unwary... . Isn't friendship more important than satisfying the criteria of the food police?

He wanted single malt and wasn't happy that I declined to give it to him even after he said he'd drink it without the mixer. He settled for blended after I told him that was all I'd serve him..

You're a tough one!

I must admit that I try to gauge the type of bottles I should open to the type of crowd, but not sure I would have gone that far. You're tough!

And I can sympathize with the salt thing. I have some relatives who always put salt on their food without tasting it, but I must admit I never thought of your response. Perhaps because they're relatives, we're all so close that we accept each other's issues. Who knows what may happen with friends!!

He wanted single malt and wasn't happy that I declined to give it to him even after he said he'd drink it without the mixer. He settled for blended after I told him that was all I'd serve him..

You're a tough one!

I must admit that I try to gauge the type of bottles I should open to the type of crowd, but not sure I would have gone that far. You're tough!

Rahsaan, the malt in question cost about $175 a bottle, was from a defunct distillery and impossible to replace and I intend to enjoy it over several years, alone or with other people that really appreciate it. Hard to understand for non-malt fanciers, perhaps. Wine lovers should think of a bottle (their only bottle) of a 1982 Ch. Mouton Rothschild that you have stored for years and opened to share with people you thought were fellow wine fanciers, only to have one of them ask for some ice. Except that its is even more so with malts because they will last for years in bottle and each half ounce can be a separate etherial taste experience. Would you give that up for a guy that turns out to be a Scotch (or wine) Philistine? Maybe you would. I didn't. The only time that situation has ever come up, I'm happy to say.

"Enraged shouting?" Over a goddamn pepper mill? I don't think you've had enough real pain in your life.

Hyperbole, a common literary technique.

But I have had to say "no" several times to the occasional waitperson who insists I must have a grind or two of pepper on my salad.

-Paul W.

Ah, you were writing a novel. Or perhaps a short story?

I prefer euphemism myself. Another common literary technique.

Along the same lines: I like a scrape of black pepper on cantaloupe.

One of my favorite things, Jeff.

My Dad liked pepper on his cantaloupe too.

I'll put in a vote for:

81. Know what the bar has in stock before each meal.

And I'll expand that to, "If there's a bar, have at least some basic understanding of some basic drinks that the bar might serve."