My wherebouts

[Jenise]

A couple of you have sent private inquiries because it's just not like me to be so quiet, and maybe some of you just wondered. Well, no worries, not mad or anything like that! Two reasons: Mostly we were travelling and, for about ten days, completely out of range of connectivity. And now: the bad news, I'm in a hospital bed but the good news? Got me some time on my hands! Post away, I need the entertainment!

Hope it's not anything serious. Have a speedy recovery whatever it is.

Yikes! Get out of that hospital. People die in those places.

Hope a speedy recovery is coming your way.

Ah, here's the topic at hand: hospital food. Truly abysmal or surprisingly disgusting? Discuss.


Jeff

[Jenise]

Thanks for the sympathy pangs but no more, please! Wasn't fishing for condolences and I don't think I could handle any more. I just thought maybe I should explain my long absence.

So let's talk about hospital food!

I was amused to finally eat today and compare my dinner with the "amazing" food the ER nurse raved about. It actually was fairly decent, hot and well seasoned, but more like a Frozen Stauffers turkey entree than restaurant- or home cooking. I've visited others in bellinghams big hospital who gEt the blandest, most overlooked food imaginable even when they, like me, have no dietary restrictions. Why does everybody have to be punished? This hospital, at least, doesn't agree that they do.

More reports tomorrow! Oh, The after dinner entertainment was provided by the medivac helicopter making a dramatic landing on a rooftop just outside my room in silhouette backlit by a gorgeous pink and purple sunset.

So you finally decided to have that gender reassignment done, huh? (What do they call it? An "addadictomy", right?) Good for you! Welome to a 23% higher salary and painful bicycle seats.

Hey listen, you deserve better than "adequate" food. Want me to air lift you a CARE package of higher quality grub? I can have a thermos of billi-bi soup, some Parker House rolls, a selection of cheeses from Artisanal in New York, and a few poorly-but-hastily made macarons overnighted to you at the drop of a toque. Just give the word.

Oh - and get better. I need to eat vicariously through the descriptions of your feasts, and your absence has left me wanting. Do it for me!

Hospital food: OXYMORON!

Get well Jenise, or get it fixed, or whatever...

[Robin Garr]

There just has to be some kind of joke involving Jenise's "whereabouts," but I'm askeert to go for it ...

[Jenise]

So you finally decided to have that gender reassignment done, huh? (What do they call it? An "addadictomy", right?) Good for you! Welome to a 23% higher salary and painful bicycle seats.

Hey listen, you deserve better than "adequate" food. Want me to air lift you a CARE package of higher quality grub? I can have a thermos of billi-bi soup, some Parker House rolls, a selection of cheeses from Artisanal in New York, and a few poorly-but-hastily made macarons overnighted to you at the drop of a toque. Just give the word.

Oh - and get better. I need to eat vicariously through the descriptions of your feasts, and your absence has left me wanting. Do it for me!

Don't tempt me, Tom!

Actually, I just
got the best news possible under the circumstances so I can finally talk about how I ended up in this joint. Might be useful to know something like this can happen, because I sure didn't. No, Bruce Jenner is not my roommate, though he certainly looks more girly than I do at the moment! I look more like a run-over Phyllis Diller.

What I have, with blood clotting, cancer and a host of other really serious stuff finally ruled out, is cellulitis from a deep tissue infection. Sounds like just another word for bad acne, but the majority of my left leg looks like third degree burns without the black bits. It's so swollen I can't stand without aid. Immobile, the pain is about a one on the ten scale. Touch it or twitch it, and its a ten. It takes about five minutes of screaming (my job), begging (Bob's contribution) and negotiation (the nurse's part) just to get me from laying to standing.

And all of this leg stuff appeared out of nowhere within 24 hours after an initial onset of severe cramping, vomiting and a 104 degree fever. We didn't even notice the leg at first.

(Have to share--just heard them page a Doctor Guano.).

Will be here until at least Friday. So that's what's going on, and they tell me this is rather common. So it could happen as easily to you, because we have NO idea how I got this.

Okay, here comes lunch....

[Jenise]

Well, that was interesting.

BBQ chicken thigh, oven roasted potatoes, yams I hated because they tasted sweet/saturated with fruit juice and cinnamon and which may have Been from canned, industrial chocolate chip cookie like you get on airlines, V8. Yes, I chose this from several options, but the can of v8 was the closest thing to something Green on the menu.

I've asked to see the hospital dietician.

What I have, with blood clotting, cancer and a host of other really serious stuff finally ruled out, is cellulitis from a deep tissue infection.

Yeeeow. My wife got cellulitis a few years ago after our corgi nipped her by accident (she smells like Alpo) on her cheek. It was pretty impressive how serious the pain, swelling, fever, and other symptoms became after a fairly short time. So you have my complete sympathy.

DOCTOR GUANO!! By night, he becomes....BATMAN. How could we not have figured that out before??

Good to hear from you, Jenise! (Some of us were beginning to worry a bit, y'know.) Sorry to hear you're stuck in the hospital but glad to hear that you have something that they can fix!

Sounds like the food could be worse, but it pretty much always can. If nothing else, maybe Bob can smuggle in some hot sauce of some kind to liven things up?

Get well soon Jenise!

Well, that was interesting.

BBQ chicken thigh, oven roasted potatoes, yams I hated because they tasted sweet/saturated with fruit juice and cinnamon and which may have Been from canned, industrial chocolate chip cookie like you get on airlines, V8. Yes, I chose this from several options, but the can of v8 was the closest thing to something Green on the menu.

I've asked to see the hospital dietician.

My wife has worked as a dietitian in a hospital before teaching nutrition at a local college. She says she has never poisoned any patients but did present motivation for many people to get the hell out of the hospital.

cellulitis

Ouch. My sincere wishes for a speedy recovery.

DOCTOR GUANO!! By night, he becomes....BATMAN.

Groan.

After a gall bladder operation, my mother-in-law's first solid meal delivered to her hospital bed was a meatball sandwich. My wife happened to have been visiting at the time, which was not good for the hospital staff; she almost stuck the sandwich down a nurse's throat who could not see what the problem was...

[Jenise]

Sounds like the food could be worse, but it pretty much always can. If nothing else, maybe Bob can smuggle in some hot sauce of some kind to liven things up?

Hot sauce was the first thing on the Bob's list!

[Jenise]

Lou,BettyLu's name in the same sentence with 'hospital dietician' is an oxymoron. Hard to believe!

I'm astonished by the degree of produce that is canned or frozen here. The meatloaf & mashed I had last night didn't even meet the Standards set by my eight grade cafeteria. Gravy was that fake stuff, and the mashed potatoes tasted like they'd been whipped with Crisco as the butter flavor was ridiculously artificial and each bite left that slick, greasy film in my mouth. gROSS!

But I got my hands on two valuable things, a list of things available for the asking at all times including vegetables, fruit and alternative side dishes, and the cafeteria phone #. So after hours last night I left a message saying I was craving watermelon would they please send me a bowl with breakfast, and earlier on paper I'd requested a greener banana. This morning I got both. It works!

Today I called back and asked if they'd

Today I called back and asked if they'd

And that, friends, is the last we ever heard of her.

Hospital dietitians have access to knives. Let this be a warning to all who ask for food.

Amen.

Get well soon!

Today I called back and asked if they'd

And that, friends, is the last we ever heard of her.

Hospital dietitians have access to knives. Let this be a warning to all who ask for food.

Amen.

ROFL!!

[Jenise]

Today I called back and asked if they'd

And that, friends, is the last we ever heard of her.

Hospital dietitians have access to knives. Let this be a warning to all who ask for food.

Amen.

He he!

Don't know where the rest of that sentence went. I was explaining that I'd managed to use the secret phone number to learn that real fresh broccoli was in house for today, so for my lunch I've directed them to bring me that with buttered noodles. This is going to be what it takes to avoid another disaster like last nights chicken fajitas. The strips of red and green bell pepper and onion promised by the menu turned out to also have been from frozen, though the color and texture was even closer to canned. Drab, soft, rank tasting. And the chicken was inedible.

I survived because my husband brought me a box of strawberries last night from this towns Thursday farmers market. The entire nursing staff is in love with him.

On other fronts:

I've named my IV pole Earl, after the Dixie Chicks song Earls Gotta Die.

[Jenise]

After a gall bladder operation, my mother-in-law's first solid meal delivered to her hospital bed was a meatball sandwich. My wife happened to have been visiting at the time, which was not good for the hospital staff; she almost stuck the sandwich down a nurse's throat who could not see what the problem was...

Classic.

Like the dietician who suggested I just order soups. I told her, "you can stand there in front of the big red leg and suggest I make MORE trips to the bathroom?"