This week's sign of the apocalypse

During downtime at my daughter's volleyball tournament in a roasted forsaken corner of Antioch (with nary an old Zin vine in sight), I look for somewhere nearby where I might grab a bite and check up on the England-U.S. game. There's a Pizzeria Uno down the street a ways with the TV on. I order a spinach single serve pizza. The bartender asks me "Do you want Ranch with that?"
"Excuse me?"
"Would you like ranch with your pizza?"
"What would I do with it?"
"You know, to dip your slice in."

Unless this was some freakish whim of the bartender, apparently people are dipping their pizza in Ranch dressing now.

Heh, apparently you don't order takeout pizza at 2am on Saturday night. (Or, as in my case, you don't have roommates that order takeout pizza at 2am on Saturday night.)

Dipping sauces are pretty much de rigueur with fast food pizza these days. Ranch is a standard, as is jalapeno cheddar, honey mustard, and some kind of sweet chili sauce.

They are a blight upon humanity, to be sure, but they seem to be here to stay. Then again, if you've tasted the likes of Pizza 73 or Dominoes or whatever, slathering the slices with an MSG-laden glaze isn't such a bad idea...

During downtime at my daughter's volleyball tournament in a roasted forsaken corner of Antioch (with nary an old Zin vine in sight), I look for somewhere nearby where I might grab a bite and check up on the England-U.S. game. There's a Pizzeria Uno down the street a ways with the TV on. I order a spinach single serve pizza. The bartender asks me "Do you want Ranch with that?"
"Excuse me?"
"Would you like ranch with your pizza?"
"What would I do with it?"
"You know, to dip your slice in."

Unless this was some freakish whim of the bartender, apparently people are dipping their pizza in Ranch dressing now.

This may be the saddest thing I've ever read.

To even suggest that anything worthy of the name "pizza" could possibly be improved by something as insipid as ranch dressing is just a horrible thought.

*shudder*

That's almost as bad as putting pineapple and pork shoulder on crust and calling it "pizza".

Dipping sauces are pretty much de rigueur with fast food pizza these days. Ranch is a standard, as is jalapeno cheddar, honey mustard, and some kind of sweet chili sauce.

You're freaking me out. Why do this? There's already so many flavors and so much unctuous fat going on in a multi-ingredient pizza, why do people want to add more? If pizza (even mediocre pizza) is better with ranch or honey mustard, why stop there? Why not add ranch AND balsamic vinegar AND garlic butter to your lasagna? Why not dip your fried chicken in alfredo sauce AND ranch? Why not smother your shrimp egg rolls in Caeser dressing, teriyaki sauce and croutons? In fact, why not just dispense with choosing stuff from the menu, and just have them pile everything together in one trough?

*shudder*

That's almost as bad as putting pineapple and pork shoulder on crust and calling it "pizza".

I have a problem with this, too. Crust and pineapple, OK. Crust, cheese, tomato sauce and ham, OK. Pineapple and ham, sure. But pineapple and tomato sauce and melted cheese? Gak!

Even I wouldn't dream of putting ranch sauce on my favorite pizza and I'm happily guilty of indulging in some take-out foods now and then...

My vote for "most befuddling mainstream food trend" has to go to the cheese slice thrown on top of anything and everything, literally!

I understand we're a cheese-addicted culture. And if someone enjoys that, there's certainly nothing wrong with it. Heck, I enjoy cheese too - on a pizza, subs, an omelet, finely shredded on tacos or certain salads. But I'm at a loss for words when you order something like a simple and conveniant fish sandwich and it has a slice of cheese on it! I wouldn't have believed it unless I'd seen it. But I have seen it! LOL. Are we THAT addicted to cheese?

Want a toasted tuna sandwich with cheese? Sure, why not.

And a fresh lemon meringue pie just isn't itself without a slice of cheddar on it...

I'm awaiting for breakfast to catch on to the trend next. I'm envisioning a soft stack of homestyle
French toast with melted butter and a slice of cheese of course...

Jeff

On another note, I'll bet you couldn't get a glass or bottle of an Italian red to go with it. We like Uno as we are in an otherwise restaurant wasteland in these parts, but the Italian red wine issue is one we have been duelling them for decades. The only Italian on the local wine card is an insiped Pinot Grigio. So we go with brew with the pizza or even the steak.

Since wings and pizza are a standard combo here, blue cheese dip is supplied. Originally, it was for dipping the celery in, which accompanied the wings. Then (many years ago), folks started dipping their wings in the blues cheese dip. I've tried it a few times, but find I like it better on the celery. However, recently I've seen people dipping pizza in the blue cheese dressing. eeewww.

Our grandson from Ohio was spending some time with us in CA several years ago. We took him to see his uncles in Sacramento and one day we all went out for a pizza lunch. He was shocked to see a salad bar and people eating salad with their pizza. He wanted to know why they were doing that....I found it rather funny, but he was dead serious. I asked him what else he ordered with his pizza and he said chicken wings with ranch dressing was his favorite. So, maybe it all started with that.

[Jenise]

Christian, the first time I ever saw pizza dipped in ranch dressing was when I stayed with a friend at her home in Napa Valley back around 1995. You just might be at Pizza Dipping Ground Zero.

Way back when I was living in Livermore, CA we had friends in Carmichael we'd visit and there was a pizza joint nearby we'd go to. Their crust was sourdough with a huge rolled rim. The pizzas came with a tub of melted butter and after you ate the main part of the slice you could dip the rim in the melted butter. Yummy!!

Dipping sauces are pretty much de rigueur with fast food pizza these days. Ranch is a standard, as is jalapeno cheddar, honey mustard, and some kind of sweet chili sauce.

You're freaking me out. Why do this? There's already so many flavors and so much unctuous fat going on in a multi-ingredient pizza, why do people want to add more? If pizza (even mediocre pizza) is better with ranch or honey mustard, why stop there? Why not add ranch AND balsamic vinegar AND garlic butter to your lasagna? Why not dip your fried chicken in alfredo sauce AND ranch? Why not smother your shrimp egg rolls in Caeser dressing, teriyaki sauce and croutons? In fact, why not just dispense with choosing stuff from the menu, and just have them pile everything together in one trough?

Damn you, Christian Miller! I just hope like hell that none of the fast food chain marketing types are reading this, or stumble over it, or we'll see each and every one of these things showing up. And when we do, I'll know who to blame for it.

Do not give those people any ideas, for goodness sake.

...Do not give those people any ideas, for goodness sake.

As I recall, Saturday Night Live did a "Trough 'n Brew" skit a long time ago. Great chain concept, after the party finished eating from the trough (no hands allowed) they would be hosed down on the way out.

On another note, I'll bet you couldn't get a glass or bottle of an Italian red to go with it. We like Uno as we are in an otherwise restaurant wasteland in these parts, but the Italian red wine issue is one we have been duelling them for decades. The only Italian on the local wine card is an insiped Pinot Grigio. So we go with brew with the pizza or even the steak.

I wan't in wine mode when I stopped there, but as I recall the list was short and mostly "the usual suspects", other than the strange omission of Italian reds. That said, I have found Zin and Merlot to go fine with many pizzas, if they're not in the hyper-ripe, hyper-oaked style. In fact, my all time champion pizza-wine match was Ridge Lytton Springs Zin with a few years age on it with a sausage and anchovy pizza.

Ridge Lytton Springs Zin with a few years age on it with a sausage and anchovy pizza.

Oh, yeah, that would work just fine.

Hope it wasn't lunch, where you'd have to go back and breathe on a client.

Damn you, Christian Miller! I just hope like hell that none of the fast food chain marketing types are reading this, or stumble over it, or we'll see each and every one of these things showing up. And when we do, I'll know who to blame for it.

Do not give those people any ideas, for goodness sake.

What do you expect a marketing researcher to do, Hoke?

Mark Lipton

Lol. I don't know how you missed out on seeing ranch with pizza until now. I think it's a West Coast thing that's been spreading, but I really can't remember ever NOT having the option of ranch with pizza in California. I mean, if you can put BBQ sauce of all things on pizza these days, ranch doesn't seem all that odd.

[Jenise]

Lol. I don't know how you missed out on seeing ranch with pizza until now. I think it's a West Coast thing that's been spreading, but I really can't remember ever NOT having the option of ranch with pizza in California. I mean, if you can put BBQ sauce of all things on pizza these days, ranch doesn't seem all that odd.

Edmund, I've never even tasted ranch dressing let alone dipped a pizza into it. Nor have I ever been offered it to turn it down (with pizza). Where is this so common, the Domino's kind of places?

I guess it's really a California thing.

Just take a look at the menu at California Pizza Kitchen, and you'll see all the weird stuff we're into. Or even worse, look at the artisanal pies at Pizzeria Mozza, the newest hotspot in LA, where you can find (what I consider) atrocities like squash blossom pizza.

The pizza scene here just keeps on getting worse and worse in my book. I'm with you for the classics, but I haven't found an amazing classic pie yet on the West Coast.

[Jenise]

I guess it's really a California thing.

Just take a look at the menu at California Pizza Kitchen, and you'll see all the weird stuff we're into. Or even worse, look at the artisanal pies at Pizzeria Mozza, the newest hotspot in LA, where you can find (what I consider) atrocities like squash blossom pizza.

I'm not a chain restaurant kind of girl so have only eaten at a California Pizza Kitchen when friends invited me once (apparently, you prove you're an insider by referring to them as Cee Pee Kay), and didn't even have pizza. The whole vibe of the place turned me off--I'll take a Sweaty Pete's kind of hole in the wall anyday over that. But I have to stand up for Mozza--the quality of the ingredients couldn't be higher, and the combinations are quite inspired. I loved, not just liked, everything I had--including their take on a pineapple/ham pizza which heretofore I had considered the abomination of all abominations. Pizza's a great blank canvas, even though I cleave pretty close to plain cheese or a classic margherita most of the time.

You're on your way to Harvard, aren't you? You're going to have to get used to 'white' pizza!

Damn you, Christian Miller! I just hope like hell that none of the fast food chain marketing types are reading this, or stumble over it, or we'll see each and every one of these things showing up. And when we do, I'll know who to blame for it.

Do not give those people any ideas, for goodness sake.

What do you expect a marketing researcher to do, Hoke?

Mark Lipton

You know, Christian is such a nice guy, I keep forgetting he's really part of the Dark Side.

The pizza scene here just keeps on getting worse and worse in my book. I'm with you for the classics, but I haven't found an amazing classic pie yet on the West Coast.

Gioia Pizzeria on Hopkins and Monterey in Berkeley. A purist's dream - thin crusty yet slightly floppy NYC style pizza with impeccable California ingredients. Never more than 2-3 "extras" employed on a pizza, sparingly. Fennel and olive is as exotic as the ingredients get.

Mozza, the newest hotspot in LA, where you can find (what I consider) atrocities like squash blossom pizza.

Now that's really a shame, since I love both pizza and squash blossoms. But not together.

Maybe I could pull a Jack Nicholson or a Meg Ryan and get the squash blossoms on the side???