Weird food your mother made?

[Jenise]

My husband had me in stitches last night telling me about his mother's "Marinated Peas". She was both a plain cook and a terrible cook with absolutely no feel for the task at all, but every now and then some ladies' magazine would light a fire under her to make something 'fancy'. The results were always dismal and frequently involved sliced pimento-stuffed green olives, an ingredient she adored even though her sons and husband despised them. The Peas were one of those adventures--canned peas at room temp with store-bought Italian salad dressing and the dreaded olives, and I guess she put a big helping on each guy's plate and then sat there fuming while each of them refused to take a second bite. I wish I could put a recording here of Bob, in his Texas drawl, describing how ugly it was. The word 'ugly' from his tongue, especially when used to describe something he doesn't like, has about five syllables.

I don't recall any food my mom made for the family that I thought of then or even now looking back as weird. There were things I hated, and things she made for herself that none of us would eat (pickled lamb hearts, anyone?), but her food was much better than average within normal bounds. \

Weird was the cooking of some friends' mothers, like Mrs. Zishka's spaghetti in which the sauce was Campbell's tomato soup with Velveeta, and Mrs. Cormaci's Tamale Pie With Pineapple.

What were your mom's weird foods?

Lutefisk - enough said.

My mom made some pretty good stuff, but she did have one thing that was weird.

She would roll ground beef into baseball sized balls, wrap them in bacon, and stick them under the broiler. Of course the outside would get very dark so that the inside was well done.

As I recall they didn't taste bad, I just didn't know anyone else who ate hamburger balls.

My mom's always been a pretty good cook. Even when she had to throw stuff together after getting home from work, it was usually decent stuff. Once in a while, though, she'd throw a bunch of random leftovers in a pan and cook them up. These concoctions always tasted fine, but she tended to call them "swill". We kids would line up asking, "Is it swill yet?!"

I won't tell on my Mom.

My Mom thought the recipes in the center pages of TV Guide were generally a very good idea.

She suffered from the fact that her mother was an extremely good Southern cook, who never used a written recipe and would not write down a recipe. When you have a mother who makes perfect Fried Chicken and Parker House Rolls and knows exactly what to do with a Smithfield Ham or collards -- it is really hard to compete.

At any rate the oddest thing I remember from her TV Guide period was hot dogs, split down the center, and stuffed with Cheez Whiz, green relish, and I think chopped pimento olives.

In my wife's family it was jello molds. They would take a sweet jello, like lemon or lime, and add a flaked can of salmon meat. The ever present pimento olive would serve as the fish's eye. Naturally the salmon-lime jello was packed into a fish shaped mold. There was probably -- what is that awful sweet mayonnaise? served on the side. (MIRACLE WHIP)

Here are the lyrics to a song that convey the cuisine of that period and culture. A little long but worth it I think.

LADIES, THE MINUTES WILL SOON BE READ TODAY.
THE GARDEN CLUB AND WEAVING CLASS
I`M SURE HAVE MUCH TO SAY...

BUT NEXT WEEK IS OUR CULTURE NIGHT,
OUR BIGGEST, BEST EVENT,
AND I`VE JUST MADE A DISH FOR IT
YOU`LL ALL FIND HEAVEN SENT:

IT`S MY LIME JELLO MARSHMALLOW COTTAGE CHEESE SURPRISE
WITH SLICES OF PIMENTO,
(YOU WON`T BELIEVE YOUR EYES,)

ALL TOPPED WITH A PINEAPPLE RING
AND A DASH OF MAYONAISE,
MY VANILLA WAFERS `ROUND THE EDGE
WILL WIN YOUR HIGHEST PRAISE.

AND MISSUS JONES IS MAKING SCONES
THAT ARE FILLED WITH PEANUT MOUSSE;
TO BE FOLLOWED BY A CHICKEN MOLD
THAT`S MADE IN THE SHAPE OF A GOOSE.

FOR LADIES WHO MUST WATCH THOSE POUNDS
WE`VE FOUND A SPECIAL DISH:
STRAWBERRY ICE
ENSHRINED IN RICE
WITH BITS OF TUNA FISH.

AND MY LIME JELLO MARSHMALLOW COTTAGE CHEESE SURPRISE
(TRULY A CREATION THAT DESCRIPTION DEFIES)
WILL GO SO WELL
WITH MISSUS BELL`S CREATION OF THE WEEK:
SHRIMP SALAD TOPPED WITH CHOC`LATE SAUCE
AND GARNISHED WITH A LEEK.

AND MISSUS PERKINS` WALNUT LOAF
THAT`S CROWNED WITH MELTED CHEESE
WAS SUCH A HIT LAST CULTURE NIGHT,
WE ASK: NO SECONDS PLEASE!

NOW YOU MUST TRY
HER HOT DOG PIE
WITH CANDIED MUSHROOM SLICES...
THOSE LADIES WHO RESIGNED LAST YEAR,
THEY JUST DON`T KNOW WHAT NICE IS!

BUT MY LIME JELLO MARSHMALLOW COTTAGE CHEESE SURPRISE,
I DID NOT STEAL THAT RECIPE,
IT`S LIES,
I TELL YOU, LIES!

OUR GRAND AWARD:
A PICTURE HAT
AND A SALMON SEQUINED GOWN
FOR ANY GIRL WHO TRIES EACH DISH
AND KEEPS HER WHOLE LUNCH DOWN.

I`M SURE YOU ALL ARE WAITING
FOR THE BIGGEST NEWS: DESERT!
WE`VE THOUGHT OF THINGS
IN MOLDS AND RINGS
YOUR DIET TO SUBVERT.

YOU MUST TRY OUR CHOC`LATE LAYER CAKE
ON A PEANUT BRITTLE BASE
WITH SLICES OF BANANAS
THAT MAKE A FUNNY FACE.

AROUND THE EDGES PEPPERMINTS
JUST SWIMMING IN PEACH CUSTARD,
WITH LOVELY LITTLE CURLICUES
OF LOVELY YELLOW MUSTARD!

IF ALL THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR YOU,
PERMIT ME TO ADVISE
MORE LIME JELLO MARSHMALLOW COTTAGE CHEESE SURPRISE!
(I`VE MADE HEAPS!)

My mom still thinks jello with shredded carrots in it, sitting atop an iceberg lettuce leaf counts as salad.

No, I'm serious.

We also ate "pottapoochee." Ground beef, tomato sauce, pasta and some cheese all cooked together in a skillet. We LOVED it.

And Lally's Meat: Ground beef browned with some onion, topped with some gravy then served over mashed potatoes. The Lally's were our neighbors, and my mom got the recipe from Mrs. Lally.

We loved taht, too.

Frank -


I was applauding heartily by the end of that song! Never heard that one before.

Since my mom raised me alone, she had to be frugal with her money. She made creamed tuna on toast, which was tasty, but we had it more than I wanted. The other dish she made was a scrambled egg concoction with sautéed onions and tomato sauce, served on toasted bread. I loved this and could easily eat it anytime. To this day, I have failed to duplicate the taste. Either the eggs tasted better in those days or there was another ingredient I am missing. Other than that, she made good food, her tamale pie was excellent.

Anything Chinese was superb. Anything outside of that was weird. She would shoot me if she knew I was saying this. Her spaghetti was a strange concoction that she made us eat on the outside deck because the smell of cardboard Parmesan offended her so much. Then there were the bizarre Chinese medicine stews - I called them potions - and to this day I have a deep seeded distrust of Chinese herbal medicine. Will go the ginseng, but that's about it.

One thing she used to buy that always cracked me up was a product called "Brands Chicken Essence". You can still get it today. All I can remember was this tiny little jar (like a babyfood jar - must have been about half a cup in size) which used to say on the label something like "contains the essence of 3 whole chickens". I googled it and found the Australian site - http://www.brandsworld.com.au/faqs.asp .

I love this bit in the FAQs :

Q. I'm curious. What type of chickens are used in the production of BRAND'S® Essence of Chicken range?

A. At Cerebos, we are as concerned about the quality as you are. That's why we only use wholesome chickens in the production of BRAND'S® Essence of Chicken range.

Thank goodness they're using wholesome chickens!

Tuna casserole with crushed potato chips on top (which was always dry enough to slice)!

My Mom was a very good cook, but tended to overcook some things a bit for my tastes. However, she would make some interesting sandwiches, such as baked beans with mayo and peanut butter and bacon. One thing she made that I liked and never found a recipe for was a cheese spread made with sharp cheddar, Coleman's mustard powder and beer. I think she would make it a few days ahead and keep it covered in the fridge for the flavors to "marry".

cheese spread made with sharp cheddar, Coleman's mustard powder and beer.

A congealed Rarebit?

Indeed. A Welsh one at that. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Welsh_rarebit

My Mom was a very good cook, but tended to overcook some things a bit for my tastes. However, she would make some interesting sandwiches, such as baked beans with mayo and peanut butter and bacon. One thing she made that I liked and never found a recipe for was a cheese spread made with sharp cheddar, Coleman's mustard powder and beer. I think she would make it a few days ahead and keep it covered in the fridge for the flavors to "marry".

Try this cheese spread recipe (I Googled it) -- it does contain dry mustard and beer.

http://www.vegetariantimes.com/recipes/9727

Wow, reading through these posts makes me even more appreciative of my mother's cooking, which was and is quite exceptional. Despite her being of the generation that gave rise to the various culinary indignities formed in Jello molds, my mother had spent several years in East Asia with the American Red Cross so had gained an appreciation for vegetables that hadn't been overcooked. Then, before I was born, she and my father spent their early years together eating out in San Francisco in the '50s: Italian food in North Beach and Cantonese food in Chinatown, so they both had an appreciation for good food. What much of this discussion puts me in mind of is a book that I gave my mother for Xmas a few years ago. She cherishes it to this day. I see that the author now has a valuable website, too.

Mark Lipton

Where does one begin???

So... to answer the question... All of it.

It is because my mother was such a lousy cook that I became a good on. It was a matter of survival. As a teenager, I volunteered to cook dinner most nights.

In my wife's family it was jello molds

My mother would, and still makes for holiday occasions, "the Green Vegetable", which was a holiday motif ring of green or purple jello and fruit relish formed around a ring of vanilla custard like substance. It tastes very good but not knowing all the ingredients, nor the method to create such a food item, the family named it the "Green Vegetable" The expression on the faces of guests, not previously introduced to the "Green Vegetable", is priceless!

Drew

Bernard and I have something in common! I once complained about the spaghetti being mushy. "I don't know why. I only cooked it for 20 minutes."

Try this cheese spread recipe (I Googled it) -- it does contain dry mustard and beer.
http://www.vegetariantimes.com/recipes/9727

That's it Frank! Thanks. I noticed that it was in the 2006 Vegetarian Times Cookbook, but the copyright for this recipe is 2008. I did Google for it a few years ago and turned up nothing.

[Jenise]

The expression on the faces of guests, not previously introduced to the "Green Vegetable", is priceless!

Drew

What a great family legend--made me laugh out loud.

A big leaf of iceberg lettuce topped with a ring of canned pineapple, shreeded cheddar cheese and Miracle Whip. <<<Shudder>>>

[Jenise]

My mom made some pretty good stuff, but she did have one thing that was weird.

She would roll ground beef into baseball sized balls, wrap them in bacon, and stick them under the broiler. Of course the outside would get very dark so that the inside was well done.

As I recall they didn't taste bad, I just didn't know anyone else who ate hamburger balls.

My family did! They were seasoned with hickory smoked salt from that terrible sausage and cheese chain that was in every mall in America for awhile (and still might be), can't think of the name, and chunks of diced white onions. I HATED THEM--hated both ground beef and onions, so these were the worst of the worst for me. And oddly we never ate actual hamburgers--with buns--NEVER, not once. And it's not like we were so formal a household, so it must have been something like my father hating them that kept mom from preparing them.

My family did! They were seasoned with hickory smoked salt from that terrible sausage and cheese chain that was in every mall in America for awhile (and still might be), can't think of the name

http://www.hickoryfarms.com

Louise has a cousin who sends us a gift box from there every year.