Kitchen disasters

We had a thread about kitchen disasters on the old board. But, it's been awhile, probably some new ones to be posted about.

I had some hardened brown sugar so put it in the microwave to soften. I set it at half power for ten minutes, intending to check on it intermittently. Forgot about it. After 5 minutes we noticed a hot sugar smell but assumed some sugar had burnt on the bottom of the regular oven.

When the microwave beeper finally went off, I opened the door, wondering what had been in there. It was now a gurgling, volcanic, black/brown, oozing puddle of stickiness that was starting to drip out of the microwave as it bubbled.

First, I gasped, then laughed, then waited for it to cool off before cleaning it up. I'm amazed my poor, old microwave is still chugging along.

The house still smells like burnt sugar.

Most of my kitchen disasters involve the microwave too, Leslie. It's just so darned easy to hit that "one minute" key, when it's something like 2 tbsps of butter or something. In fact, that happened the other day and a coagulated puddle of butter is still covering the dish inside my nuker.

I'm not sure I would call them disasters, but they felt disasterous to me. This past Saturday night we were invited to a bbq and I was to bring dessert for 24. I decided to make bar cookies. Let me preface this by saying that I am not really a "baker." I spent lots of time pouring over recipes to find just the right cookies to make and then started making them at around one that afternoon. The party was at 6. Well, first, I made Martha Stewart's Peanut Butter and Jelly bars. They were in the oven for the prescribed time, but when it came time to take them out, the top was very pale. I thought they needed a little color so I turned the broiler on low and set the timer for 3 minutes. The pan was in the middle of the oven so I figured that would be fine. Well, after the three minutes I opened the oven and to my horror, the top was charred black. I was able to take off the black part with two spoons while it was still hot and believe it or not, it looked okay and tasted really good.

The next task was Chocolate Pecan Pie bars. I baked them for the time indicated in the recipe and they still seemed a little too "loose." So, I left them in an extra five minutes. They still seemed not quite set, but having never made a pecan pie or these bars before, I figured that it would set up as it cooled down. About an hour and a half before we left for the party, I decided to plate everything. Well, when I cut into the bars, they just oozed. Not good. Figuring it was too late to get them to set in the oven, and too chancy...what would they taste like?...I quickly made my old reliable stand-by, Katherine Hepburn's brownie recipe, while putting the pecan bars in at the same time (so we could maybe have them at a later date?).

Well, we needed to leave and the pan of brownies was still hot, so I took the pyrex dish of them along with my half filled out platter of PBJ bars to the party. Luckily the hostess had lots of hired help in the kitchen who smiled and told me they'd take care of everything (including a sprinkling of powdered sugar that I brought) once the brownies cooled. They did, and miraculously people seemed to enjoy everything.

The pecan bars had been left to cool in the fridge and I tried them the next morning. They were delicious. I think I'm going to give up baking though.

Thanks, Carrie! I feel better now.

I've made those Peanut Butter Bars, they never look like they're cooked on top. Now, I'll know not to stick them under the broiler to fix that.

Have you tried the Cook's Illustrated Raspberry Bars (the recipe with fresh raspberries in addition to jam)? They have to be the best bar recipe I've ever come across.

[David M. Bueker]

Let's see - yesterday my wife put my whole grain bread in the oven without pre-heating (note: I had not asked her to put it in the oven, and she's had a bad cold & been on medication making her goofy). I now have a whole grain brick.

Haha!! A cold oven certainly wouldn't give the yeast the oompphh!! it needed, would it?

[David M. Bueker]

Um...no.

Have you tried the Cook's Illustrated Raspberry Bars (the recipe with fresh raspberries in addition to jam)? They have to be the best bar recipe I've ever come across.

No, but you're not the first person to say that. (Wish I had remembered before Saturday!) I'll have to find that issue and make them. Thanks for the reminder. I guess I won't give up on baking quite yet.

Carrie, another really good bar recipe:

http://lcbo.com/lcbo-ear/RecipeControll ... cipeType=1

After remembering to put the cats outside, I carefully spent hours cleaning Dungness crabs for dinner. I had maybe 3 pounds of the stuff piled on a plate on the counter. After cleaning myself up I retired to the living room for a glass of wine before finishing the remaining dinner prep. On returning to the kitchen, I discovered that the cats had found the skylight open and had also discovered the crab. I didn't know two medium-sized cat could eat all that crab. And no, I didn't have cat for dinner.

...On returning to the kitchen, I discovered that the cats had found the skylight open and had also discovered the crab. I didn't know two medium-sized cat could eat all that crab. And no, I didn't have cat for dinner.

Similar situation here. Several years ago I smoked a turkey breast, sliced it and put it in the fridge so my wife could take it to a holiday party at work. During the night, one of the cats figured out how to open the fridge. When we got up the next morning, the platter was on the kitchen floor and 5 cats and the dog were all sleeping contentedly. After that we ended up securing the door of the fridge with a bungee cord.

Carrie, another really good bar recipe:

http://lcbo.com/lcbo-ear/RecipeControll ... cipeType=1

Oh my, those do sound/look good! With my limited baking skills, I doubt mine would come out looking like that! Do you think I could use marshmallow fluff for the marshmallow layer? Ha.

...On returning to the kitchen, I discovered that the cats had found the skylight open and had also discovered the crab. I didn't know two medium-sized cat could eat all that crab. And no, I didn't have cat for dinner.

Similar situation here. Several years ago I smoked a turkey breast, sliced it and put it in the fridge so my wife could take it to a holiday party at work. During the night, one of the cats figured out how to open the fridge. When we got up the next morning, the platter was on the kitchen floor and 5 cats and the dog were all sleeping contentedly. After that we ended up securing the door of the fridge with a bungee cord.

I used to have a cat "Calvin" who opened the cabinet to tip over our trash, but OMG Howie, I didn't know a cat could open a fridge!

I used to have a cat "Calvin" who opened the cabinet to tip over our trash, but OMG Howie, I didn't know a cat could open a fridge!

A few nights later we figured out how he did it. He layed down on his back with his head under the door and wedged his paws in and pulled until he broke the magnet seal.

My kitchen disasters mostly involve me, a dull knife and an attempt to quickly slice or chop some slippery onions. I can't even remember all the times I cut my left thumb by doing this.
Cooking disasters--mostly in the category of forgetting something (like rice or potstickers) on the stove until the acrid black smoke drifts through the house and I remember what I should have remembered.
On this note, BTW, I've found that All-Clad pots clean up beautifully if you fill the blackened pot with boiling water and dishwasher detergent and let it sit overnight.
Ines

Oh my, those do sound/look good! With my limited baking skills, I doubt mine would come out looking like that! Do you think I could use marshmallow fluff for the marshmallow layer? Ha.

The marshmallow part is actually very easy, we use white corn syrup.

The hardest part is cutting them into squares without smearing the chocolate part onto the edges of the marshmallow layer.

My last Holiday disaster consisted of opening the oven to load something into it..unaware that Dina had put a pumpkin pie into bake. I mean..I knew the oven was on, but never looked to see if anything was on the rack as I jerked it out. Sloshing uncooked pumpkin slurry all over the bottom of the oven. The whole house smelled of burnt pumkin for the rest of the holidays. And beyond…for awhile…since it took me several cleanings to remove all of the debris.

Who’d of thought that stuff could have gotten into the nooks and crannies that it did?

Richard

I'm not going to describe the consequences, just suffice to say never throw a big handful of wet shoestring potatoes into a Fry Daddy and NEVER blacken fish indoors, and finally, if your jaccard falls from the counter, don't catch it. -RP

Well, along that theme, I can tell you not to cook chicken giblets in the microwave without cutting them into teeny, tiny pieces.

I don't know what a jaccard might be, but do know the awful feeling of dropping a knife off the counter and wondering (in the split seconds the knife takes to make it to the floor) whether to move your sandaled foot, or not.

I don't know what a jaccard might be, but do know the awful feeling of dropping a knife off the counter and wondering (in the split seconds the knife takes to make it to the floor) whether to move your sandaled foot, or not.

Wonder? You wonder??? I leap back from a dropped knife as if scalded. Those things are incredibly dangerous when flying through the air under their own power....

I don't know what a jaccard might be, but do know the awful feeling of dropping a knife off the counter and wondering (in the split seconds the knife takes to make it to the floor) whether to move your sandaled foot, or not.

Wonder? You wonder??? I leap back from a dropped knife as if scalded. Those things are incredibly dangerous when flying through the air under their own power....

I hold on with a tight grip because my labrador is always at my side while I'm chopping anything. In fact, he comes running when he hears me pull the cutting board out of the cabinet.

I hold on with a tight grip because my labrador is always at my side while I'm chopping anything. In fact, he comes running when he hears me pull the cutting board out of the cabinet.

Last night I was just about to start chopping garlic and my pup magically appeared at my side. He loves the stuff.

I hold on with a tight grip because my labrador is always at my side while I'm chopping anything. In fact, he comes running when he hears me pull the cutting board out of the cabinet.

Last night I was just about to start chopping garlic and my pup magically appeared at my side. He loves the stuff.

I wonder if Coopie would eat garlic?? He'll eat everything else. For a minute, he didn't think he liked arugula, but the next time he tried it, he gobbled it right up.

The garlic reminds me of my old tabby cat, Calvin. I dropped smooshed piece of garlic on the kitchen floor once. He walked over to it, sniffed it and tried covering up like it was a stinky turd. It cracked me up.

Well, along that theme, I can tell you not to cook chicken giblets in the microwave without cutting them into teeny, tiny pieces.

I don't know what a jaccard might be, but do know the awful feeling of dropping a knife off the counter and wondering (in the split seconds the knife takes to make it to the floor) whether to move your sandaled foot, or not.

If you move your sandaled foot, it better be to the up and stay position. Years ago I was opening a can of dog food for our German Shepherd. The metal lid flipped off the can to the floor and I was afraid it was going to hit my bare foot. I danced around and my foot came down on the edge of the lid as it hit the floor. A trip to the emergency room, many stitches, and a lecture from the doctor on why I should wear shoes or slippers in the house made a believer out of me.

I've heard and read conflicting reports about garlic toxicity in dogs. Some vets say it helps with fleas; others say it's toxic. If you google "garlic dogs," you'll see what I mean.