Etiquette question: You're at someone's house, and you break a glass

[Jenise]

A wine glass. What do you do?

A frequent guest, and I mean a really good friend who drops by all the time, or we at their house, recently broke a wine glass. A Spieglau burgundy, to be exact. It came from a place on an open shelving where these same guests have helped themselves to their choice of 100 or more different glasses a dozen times before, and so they know I have 1 to 3 dozen of everything. I have to, we entertain on average three times a week these days and glass breakage absolutely comes with that territory. I am always quick to tell anyone who breaks something that "it wouldn't be a good party unless someone broke something!", Or "Don't fret! That's why I have so many glasses!" Or, or maybe in addition, "good! Now I can break one at your house sometime, I'm such a klutz that if it hasn't happened already, it's going to." And I mean every word of it.

That applies to one glass or a dozen. It's my house, my risk. I even meant it when a local wine consultant broke three in a row. She never got invited back, but that's because of the fake farting noises she suddenly decided were highly entertaining. The glassware was no problem but the drunken farting I couldn't forgive.

But this couple felt bad and swore they'd replace the broken glass. "No, no, no, PLEASE don't," I insisted, "that would make me feel bad." I repeated the above things and thought I convinced them that it was totally unneccessary and I wouldn't be comfortable with them doing that.

Yesterday a box arrived containing two Riedel Extreme Burgundy glasses.

Now I really feel like crap. And I'm humbled and questioning myself, because I have to admit it never occurred to me to replace someone else's broken glass. I'm talking every day glasses here; I did send a Perrier Jouet flutes to a couple where Bob had broken one of theirs and which we suspected had been their wedding champagne flutes.

But under normal circumstances, isn't glass breakage part of the territory? Or have I been in breach of etiquette all these years?

Clearly you have no ethnics or morals!

Seriously, I think that your original path was the correct one (and the one I follow). Your friends went above and beyond, a nice gesture but that doesn't make their actions the preferred norm.

I wouldn't worry about it too much if the people were close friends and, as you state, you've both likely to break or have broken the odd glass of each other's over a period of time.

In the instance of the flutes, I reckon you did the right thing, on the basis of their possible importance to the couple in question.

If I broke someone's very expensive Riedel, I would definitely replace it.

In fact, most people who've broken good quality glasses at my joint have offered to replace or offer cash for their misdemeanour.

Your phantom farting wine consultant raised a wry chuckle here (although I do appreciate why you've never had her back).

My "klutz" of a wife has broken so many wine glasses over the years she has been banned from washing up after any of the Riedels come out of their boxes. Something she's very happy not to do, in any case!

I even meant it when a local wine consultant broke three in a row. She never got invited back, but that's because of the fake farting noises she suddenly decided were highly entertaining. The glassware was no problem but the drunken farting I couldn't forgive.

Jenise,
From the sound of it, it seems like she'd fit right in with our drinking group.
Redwinger

I even meant it when a local wine consultant broke three in a row. She never got invited back, but that's because of the fake farting noises she suddenly decided were highly entertaining. The glassware was no problem but the drunken farting I couldn't forgive.

Jenise,
From the sound of it, it seems like she'd fit right in with our drinking group.
Redwinger

Not mine. We don't allow fake farting

Glass breakage is definitely part of the territory.

If I broke one, I would offer to replace it and would expect my buddies to throw my money back in my face.

If a friend broke one I would adamantly refuse any offers to replace, these things happen and they have a way of evening themselves out over time.

If the situation occurred in which I received glasses as replacement, I would return the favor with a bottle of wine of similar value.

Personally I wouldn't accept someone wanting to replace a glass they'd accidentally broken of mine.

Funny thing is, if I broke someone else's at their place... I'd probably want to buy them a replacement or something to make up for it.

Sometimes I think we can fall over ourselves to do the right thing, but that we do is preferable to the opposite.

regards

Ian

Not mine. We don't allow fake farting

Do you allow old farts?

I've had more than one Riedel glass broken by guests. I immediately downplay it and tell them I have a get-out-of-jail-free card when I break something at their house. I don't expect nor accept replacement stemware.

We don't fret about broken glassware. And we tell our frinds and guests not to worry about it either. Just one of those things. Happens all the time.

Heck, I'm the worst culprit for glass breakage in our house anyway.

Richard

Guests have broken glasses. S**t happens, right? I did not expect them to replace the glasses.

For larger parties, we have cheapie glasses. If they break, it's only a few bucks. The nice Spieglau comes out for smaller events.

If I broke someone's expensive crystal, however, I would offer to replace it.

Now what happens when you spill Cabernet Sauvignon on someone's nice white carpet?

Not mine. We don't allow fake farting[/quote]

So if it was the real thing and smelly to boot, it would have been ok? Or is it ok once, but after that take it outside please?

Jenise,

You have great friends who do not take you for granted, who know you are a very gracious host - that is the sign of true friendship in my book. It is more than OK to learn to accept kindness from those who cherish you.

PS - I would definitely replace the glass.

Now what happens when you spill Cabernet Sauvignon on someone's nice white carpet?

Some friends stayed over after one party and spotted a wine stain on the carpet the following morning. One of them set about removing it and I have to say did a perfect job. Even more perfect for the fact that the stain had been there for a couple of months.

Always have a bottle of Wine Away on hand -- the stuff works pretty well.

Jenise -

I'm with you (and just about everyone else) on this. I think guests have broken more of our glasses than we have, and that's saying something. We would never expect someone to replace one. Glass breaks. Everything that we own that's made of glass and which we handle regularly will break.

OTOH, it is nice of your friends to replace what they broke. They sound like people you know pretty well, so I doubt that they're looking to gain any sort of "social advantage" over you. Therefore, I'd thank them for the replacements and invite them over to drink something particularly nice out of them.

Mike

Like you, Jenise, I've never been one of those "save the good stuff for special occasions" kind of people. I use it regularly because I love it and I expect and accept that things will break. I have always felt that it's just a thing and people's feelings and my relationships with them are much more important to me than things are.

That said... since I would be focusing on their feelings here, I would thank them for the gracious gift and invite them over for a nice wine evening using them. As Paulo says, it makes people feel good to be kind and considerate. It's a gift to the giver when one receives well. (This has taken me a long time to master....)

Not that it often happens, but I also always offer to replace any glassware (or anything else) I may inadvertently break at someone's home, because I never assume that others share my feeling that things aren't important. (And I feel awful!) So far, nobody has said "Yes, please do replace my glass!"

It's a gift to the giver when one receives well. (This has taken me a long time to master....)

I imagine a lot of us are in the same boat. I love to give, but I'm a poor receiver.

It's a gift to the giver when one receives well. (This has taken me a long time to master....)

I imagine a lot of us are in the same boat. I love to give, but I'm a poor receiver.

So, Buckissimo, why not start a new life and receive my Welch's juice jars???????

So, Buckissimo, why not start a new life and receive my Welch's juice jars???????

I'm there, pal. UPS them tomorrow -- I'll be drinking in style!

Jenise,

You have excellent, first-class friends.

Etiquette-wise, you did your part by making it clear that you considered breakage part of the game, and no big deal. Your friends, all that withstanding, felt that they needed to make amends, and did so in spectacular style. I think proper etiquette at this point says that you should graciously accept their gift, unsolicited and unnecessary though it may be.

Don't feel guilty. Celebrate the fact that you have such excellent friends.

I'd give them one more "really--you don't have to do this" opportunity, but if they insist, accept the gift.

-Paul W.

Mike B...remind me to bring my own glass when I am invited over for that famous flight of Yellow Tail.

Footnote. I was in a car and the electric window would not go up. I knew it was working beofre, but it broke at that moment and I offered to pay for the repair. The woman (a friend of my mom) immediately accepted and I had to write a check when the bill came..

That's a different story, was there any indication that your actions caused the damage, or did you just happen to be the one who discovered that it was broken?

If someone sent me an unsolicited replacement for a broken glass, I would treat it as a gift and thank the donor graciously.

If I broke someone elses glass my response would depend entirely on the cricumstances. If I broke it because I was fooling around and I knew the owner of the glass did not have a lot of money and really treasured the glass, I would certainly insist on offering a replacement. If it was one of many glasses owned by someone who could easily afford a replacement and I was for example helping clear up after a meal at the time, I would apologise, maybe offer to pay, but frankly I would expect the offer to be refused and I would not press it. Either way, it is not REALLY such a big deal. People with expensive glasses usually drink expensive wine out of them, and breakages are just part of the overall cost.