Wine Science Lecture - need a good joke or two

I just finished writing the lecture I'm giving tomorrow night on "The Science of Wine" at the Buffalo Museum of Science [url]http://www.sciencebuff.org/new​s/53/[/url]. Now that I've completed the writing, two of my sons both said "Hey, Dad - you need to tell a few good wine jokes." I couldn't think of any, offhand, so tell me some good ones to use. Thanks.

well, how about the ML bacteria of choice often pronounced 'weenocockus weeney'.

well, how about the ML bacteria of choice often pronounced 'weenocockus weeney'.

Now that sounds painful.

It might not be suitable for your audience, but my favourite wine joke is about the sommelier who was fired from the nudist camp restaurant for walking round with a Semillon.

well, how about the ML bacteria of choice often pronounced 'weenocockus weeney'.

That would be Oenococcus Oeni - I may mention that.

I think the infamous Mouton joke is Not Suitable for Museum Audiences

Howie,

Lots of wine jokes on the page linked below. And they seem to be innocent enough for mixed company.

http://www.having-fun-with-wine.com/win ... humor.html

And here

http://www.sniffthecork.com/jokes.html

A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the radio show and he’s stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breathe and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and says, “Sir, have you been drinking?” And the minister says, “Just water”. The sheriff says, “Then why do I smell wine?” And the minister looks down at the bottle and says, “Good Lord, He’s done it again!”

Salute

Hey man, sniff my cork.

Thanks everyone. You helped me out.
EDIT: "God created trout to go with Riesling".

A handsome Prince watched from a candlelit corner of the cellar as his radiant Princess held up her skirts and stepped into the doorway.

He knew her favorite color was pink and had pre-planned their rendevouz by pouring three different pink champagnes into crystal glasses, freshly uncorked from the dark dusty quarters. With a smile he placed them on the counter.

Only a Prince of such wealth and loyal devotion would use his finest bottles of champagne as room fresheners for the love of his life.

The Princess loved the scents of this magical drink for it reminded her of autumn and the first time the Prince picked an apple for her in the courtyard. She remembered the fragrance of that early October when they had first fell in love. The scent of fresh berries in the nearby garden mingled with the tree and the passing of summer flowers lingered through the lightly chilled air.

The Prince now poured gold champagne into two other glasses and set them two feet apart of their rosey companions. Hearing her footsteps approaching, he quickly took a fresh apple and placed it beside the fair-colored pair of glasses. He hid in the corner out of sight and awaited her reaction.

The Princess stopped at the ledge, gently rocking on her heels. Her eyes went straight to the gold colored glasses that shadowed the fruit. Spotting the apple, she chuckled out loud and sighed affectionately with remembrance. She closed her eyes and leaned her head down to the golden bubbles, inhaling their scent and sighing softly once more. She grabbed the apple and turned around with a playful stare, wondering when the culprit would make his presence known.

The Prince suddenly spun from the shadows, and bowed before her with regal exaggeration.

She cuddled the apple to her cheek and bit lightly on her lower lip.

"Did you get it from the courtyard?" she grinned.

He nodded with a smile.

"They are so nice", she exclaimed.

"They, my love?" asked the Prince with amused wonder.

"The two champagnes by the apple. They are fragrant as always", she answered.

The Prince smiled even wider.

"I'm glad you like them. Did you take time out to smell the roses?"



Sorry, that's the best I could make up. I whispered an even longer version of this to my sweetheart as a "bedtime story", which shall remain between me and my...princess.

Jeff

[James Roscoe]

Let us know how this went Howie!!!!

It went pretty good and the whole event was a lot of fun. I even wore a coat and tie. There were about 10 wineries and several local breweries pouring their wares (I bought a bottle of 2009 Knapp Vignoles). At 8:30 a chocolatier gave a very interesting talk about chocolate, with lots of samples. My presentation went from 9:30 to about 10:15. Only about a dozen or so folks were in attendance, but it was a lot of fun. Most of my talk was on the geology and geography of various grape growing regions and the varieties suited for them. I had a lot more prepared about wine making chemistry, but ran a bit short of time. Maybe, if I get asked to do this again, I might narrow the topic to something like making sparkling wines.

[James Roscoe]

Sounds like a great event. I bet you get more people next time.

Howie, I know your speech is done but I like this one (...though perhaps it isn't Safe for Museums, either):

Mother Superior called the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."

Howie, I know your speech is done but I like this one (...though perhaps it isn't Safe for Museums, either):

Mother Superior called the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."

Reminds me of Jenise chortling at a Rhone-heavy lunch tasting when I told her I had a case of the Clape.....