Based on my masturbatory headline, for all of you thinking I am normal, that's getting 7 out of 7 incorrect, and by the way I like wing dings. I've got news about ME!! ! Big news about ME!!. Believe it or not, at last night's triple blind tasting (Covered bottles, covered eyes and a condom on my tongue), I hit 7 out of 7 right! A Hermean feat the equivalent of a getting an aisle seat, winning a free subscription to Hilites, setting the Guinness world record for hitting myself with a hammer, or attending the US Frisbee Golf Open!
Before my friend Slimer chimes in, I admit, I blew the first question: Solve Pi? I guessed “Tennessee”. Anyway onto my feat of glory which I now posting about and hoping you can chime in and say how great I am. The first glass: I guessed “Gatorade”, since it had that salty sweet flavor and murky colour. I was sure it was a ‘liquid”. But, from that moment on, like Rosie Ruiz at the Boston Marathon, Chuck Wepner stepping on Ali’s foot, , or Alice falling into the rabbit hole, there was no stopping me, and if I could cheat, I did! I was so hot! It was 100 degrees for God’s sake! I have never watched “Rescue Me", but that Dennis Leary can put out my fire anytime!
To be correct, you need to say where the wine is from, the grape and if you state its Bordeaux, you have to give the winemakers name, the time it was bottled, how many bottles were produced and the brix at harvest. For the year, I guessed late “mid to late 20th century, possibly early or really early, but not the 19th century, maybe late 19th century but certainly not early, maybe early 21st century, but not late cause it hasn’t happened yet. The wines were from 1987. These are the selections from the blind tasting.
#1 87 Sutter White Zin (I said Gatorade then I said Water, then I said CRAP, then I said can I have a hint, then I said can I have another hint, then I peeked at the bottle! Then I said Dead, I was right!)
#2 87 Lafite Rothschild (I claimed it was a wine that was GROWN on VINE!! Right again!)
#3 87 Caymus Special Selection (I stated Wine! I was right!)
#4 87 J. Lohr Chardonnay (I called it Latour! But I was right because I La Tour rhymes J. Lohr )
#5 87 Red Wine (nailed this puppy! The color was a dead give away
#6 87 Le Pin (Hell I drink SOO MUCH Le Pin, I mean, I mix the stuff with pancake syrup for breakfast!)
#7 South Africa (My friend told me that it was from below the equator, not from Australia, or South America, comes from a place Lion's live and it’s Nelson Mandela’s fave! Ha!! Am I impressive or what!!)
FWIW, I was surprised how much I like myself. I am totally immature, but I look very well. I like to wear complex smoky perfume, eat good fruit.
87 Sutter White Zin was monolithic to me, but, fans of wines stored above the fridge will like the wine. It was bad wine, but me, I’ve got style.
87 Lafite & J. Lohr were simple, like me!.
87 Caymus Special Selection was a good example of a Cal Cab that people say they like but generally can’t afford unless you are like me and hang in such cool circles. Still showing elements of fruit (elements of fruit in a wine, odd wouldn’t you say?). But, having had this wine in its youth, for me, it was much more interesting 20-22 years ago, even before it was grown.
Great parody is always welcome.