Funny wine article in Wired News

[Robin Garr]

This is chuckle-worthy, although I'm not sure the author fully realizes how closely his fiction emulates some of the more sleazy "wine accessories" actually seeking customers out there in the real world ...

<b>Wonder Wine Gadgets That Would Win Over Geeks</b>

If you have other ideas for similar "products," let's hear 'em!

This is chuckle-worthy, although I'm not sure the author fully realizes how closely his fiction emulates some of the more sleazy "wine accessories" actually seeking customers out there in the real world ...

<b>Wonder Wine Gadgets That Would Win Over Geeks</b>

If you have other ideas for similar "products," let's hear 'em!

Very good, Robin. The one idea that comes to mind is the Wine Scoring Dipstick™ [1]: it's a device equipped with a probe that, when dipped into your glass of wine, produces a numerical rating (100-point scale of course), thereby saving you the tedium of tasting, thinking about or analyzing the wine you're drinking while still permitting you to enliven conversation by blurting out "Fantastic! A 96 point wine!"

Mark Lipton

[1] Now, now! If you thought I was referring to a person you have a cynical mindset.

Very good, Robin. The one idea that comes to mind is the Wine Scoring Dipstick™ [1]: it's a device equipped with a probe that, when dipped into your glass of wine, produces a numerical rating (100-point scale of course), thereby saving you the tedium of tasting, thinking about or analyzing the wine you're drinking while still permitting you to enliven conversation by blurting out "Fantastic! A 96 point wine!"

Mark Lipton

[1] Now, now! If you thought I was referring to a person you have a cynical mindset.

You could call it the "Parker pointer".

-Paul W.

I like to follow Lore Sjöberg's off-beat humor from time to time; one of his blogs rates various items, this one of the For Dummies series:

Extract:


Wine for Dummies
Not knowing much about wine is one of the benefits of being a dummy, should you ask me. It allows you to spend three bucks on a bottle of wine with a cartoon character on the label and not realize there's anything wrong with it until it turns your urine green. I imagine people who buy this have wine snob friends they want to impress, in which case Chapter One should be titled "Good Places To Hide This Book." C

Dachsunds for Dummies
This is probably my favorite "For Dummies" book, but mostly because it sounds like a children's book, kind of a cross between "The Stupids" and "Bread and Jam for Frances." Actually "Dachsunds for Frances" is even better. "Wine for Frances." "SAP R/3 Administration for Frances." I think I'm on to something. A-

Sex for Dummies
Well, it had to happen. It's even on its second edition, presumably because they forgot to tell how to pronounce "clitoris" in the first one. What cracks me up here is that, like all other For Dummies books, the cover proudly proclaims it "A Reference For The Rest of Us!" As opposed to whom? Those brainy eggheads with their high-IQ fucking knowledge that no working-class Serta jockey can hope to comprehend? D

http://www.bookofratings.com/archive.html

Some of the classics include Egg Dishes, Web Fads Part 1, Utensils. Example from the last:


Spatulas
Spatulas, I'm lead to understand, are the flexible things you use to scrape bowls. The things you use to turn pancakes are instead known as "turners." Just another one of the little tidbits you can use to "break the ice" at mass suicides. Everyone likes spatulas, because our first vague memories of them involve cake batter, back when life was bright and new, before our souls were embittered by disappointment and utensil-based pedantry. A

Egg Beaters
I'm speaking here of the classic hand-turned egg beater. I've always loved these, because they seemed like they were capable of so much more than stiffening egg whites. Sometimes I would just sit and spin the things in the air, watching them rotate into overlapping elliptical blurs. I'm not sure what I was expecting to happen, but I think it involves either space flight or time travel. A-

Extract:

Egg Beaters
I'm speaking here of the classic hand-turned egg beater. I've always loved these, because they seemed like they were capable of so much more than stiffening egg whites.

I wasn't aware that egg whites could be erotically aroused by S&M foreplay.

-Paul W.

P.S. - Fans of the British comedy television series "'Allo 'Allo" will recall how the nubile waitresses at Rene's Cafe enticed the German Colonel and Captain upstairs by provocatively flaunting an egg beater and a stick of celery. Mercifully, we never found out any further details concerning this.

You could call it the "Parker pointer".

-Paul W.

big ripe fruit? check.
too much oak? check.
at least 15% alcohol? check...
Looks like we have a 100 pointer!